Raising teens doesn't come with an instruction manual. Last I heard, there was no such book called, Parenting Teenagers for Dummies; whether that's changed, I couldn't say but I know many parents would be interested in buying a copy of their very own.
Dealing with teen-aged children can seem like treacherous territory especially for parents who feel insecure about their roles in the lives of their teens. After all, teens are no longer toddlers whom parents can swing around in the air or take for a piggy back ride at a moment's notice.
Challenging changes
Parents of teens will soon discover that their teens want to become more independent from them. To begin, they want to select their own styles of clothing, jewelry, hair coloring, and make-up. Later, they want to choose their own friends, have later curfews and want to stay up later at night while desiring to sleep through much of the day.
As everything else changes over time, the relationships between parents and their children (as they become teenagers) will be no exception. Whereas a parent may have been a playmate and friend before, their roles must change; when parenting a teen, parents need to be sure they are providing the guidance and supervision their older children require in order to keep them safe from harm and alarm. In other words, their teens' safety and well-being on all levels should be of utmost importance.
Social changes
One of the most important social changes that parents of teens must accept is that friends become more important to their teens as they grow more independent from their parents. This can be a great thing, considering that teens must grow up and move on in life anyway. However, an important factor to consider is that teens can easily become a mirror image of the friends they hang around with. As such, it is imperative for teens' parents to know the friends their teens are associating with and parents should approve of said friends.
Meanwhile, parents need to consider that sometimes teens need privacy to hang out with friends even when their parents are home. They should be allowed to go into a teens' bedroom behind closed doors to discuss whatever they need to discuss. Too often parents forget what it was like to grow up as a teenager; they forget the fears and concerns they used to have regarding all the changes taking place in their lives and bodies.
A great opportunity when parenting teens is to befriend teens' friends, as long as they always show respect for others and possess a sense of responsibility. Learn to get along with them even if they do have their ears pierced five times or have a tattoo on each arm. Invite them over to dinner. Invite them to go shopping, bowling, mowing the lawn, or shoveling snow. Chances are that the more parents get to know their teens' friends, they will see the attributes their teen admires and it won't bother them as much when their teen is spending more time away from home.
Better to be safe than sorry
Regardless of teens feeling their privacy and rights are being infringed upon, it's better to be safe than sorry; it's better to be sure teens know their parents are vigilant in watching over them, even from a moderate distance. After all, it's easy for teens to be led down a path which leads to heartache and destruction if they don't feel anyone cares enough to pay attention to their activities.
Before Mom and Dad find out
While some teens are more mature than others and can act far more responsibly without supervision, many teens love to stretch the limits and see how much they can get away with "before Mom and Dad find out."
Sadly, too many parents don't pay close enough attention to the activities of their teens because they are just too happy to get a break from the constant demands of parenting. However, danger lurks when teens are granted too much time unsupervised, whether alone or with friends.
Many of these teens live with regret for actions they committed which have, in hindsight, caused them much embarrassment and grief - some of which could have been prevented had their parents been vigilant enough in their efforts to protect their teens.
Internet safety
When engaging in on-line activities, it's always best to be sure teens are using computers in a common area of the house since it allows a level of privacy while parents can be observant of on-line activities.
Teens should have an allotment of time in which they are allowed to be accessing the Internet. It's also advisable to have teens profiles on various sites kept private to prevent strangers from accessing their information and, worse yet, contacting them.
Furthermore, it's important to be sure the friends teens have listed as friends on various networks are people they actually know in person.
Information overload
Another point parents should realize is that their teens may discuss too much personal information which may pose a threat to their safety, especially if such information can lead a person to teens' schools or homes. This isn't limited to Internet use; this can occur during conversations teens have with friends while walking down the street or hanging out at a popular place.
However, when pertaining to Internet security, some parents get their teens' passwords while informing their teens they will be monitoring their activities. Other parents join chat rooms or social networks their teens are part of to monitor activities without their teen being aware.
In either case, if everything seems OK, there is nothing for anyone to worry about; however, if teens are behaving inappropriately (with the possibility of severe repercussions) or teens are sharing too much personal information about themselves, the parents would have no alternative except to have a heart-to-heart conversation with their teen while also trying to come up with a solution to minimize the damage their teen may have already caused. It would, hopefully, make their teen more careful the next time they go on-line.
Mutual respect and trust
Despite everything, a level of mutual respect and trust has to be adhered to. Barging into teens' bedrooms and washrooms, listening in on their phone conversations with friends, snooping in their journals, and standing over their shoulders during every chat/e-mail session should be avoided unless parents are truly concerned about their teen's safety or well-being, and it should be a legitimate concern, not one borne of paranoia.
The respect of their teen is something parents don't want to forfeit; neither will teens want their parents to lose trust in them. As long as morals aren't compromised, sometimes compromises need to be reached to keep the peace in a household. After all, as long as a teen-aged girl is decently covered, does it matter whether she buys the red top her mother prefers or the black top she wants? Does it matter whether a teen-aged guy chooses to play basketball instead of hockey, as his father hopes?
Granting teens room to make decisions
While it is important to safeguard teens, teens do need room to make some decisions, even if they are the wrong ones, at times. Also, whether or not permission is granted to make decisions depends on how severe the consequences may be of making a particular decision. For example, a teen wanting to go to the movies with a friend before doing homework is a totally different scenario that allowing a teen to meet a person for the first time, alone. Permission may be granted for one but not the other.
However, if teens are always sheltered when making decisions, how will they ever learn to stand on their own two legs? How will they know how to resolve situations on their own without the continual assistance of their parents? Most importantly, how will they ever develop a good self-image when they can't seem to make the simplest of decisions comfortably?