by Joshua Murphy

Created on: November 27, 2008

Just Another Day:

If you're reading this, I'm probably dead. In case I am not dead and you know me and have just happened upon these frivolous lines of mental drool, I would appreciate if you would stop reading at this point. I mean it, most sincerely. Thank you. It should be assumed that I would never let anyone read these ramblings while I am still alive. It's quite possible that someone could come away with the wrong impression of me and, who really wants to deal with all that extra explaining while I am still alive?

Now, supposing I am dead I hope it is at least a few years down the line from today and I went peacefully, ideally by drug overdose in the arms of a nude 18 year-old female at a party somewhere cool. Further, this should not be construed as a suicide letter since I am merely monitoring my demise from its tangible inception in my senior year of high school through present day, which if I am dead would be the past. Sorry, that's a bit confusing, but hey, why should I care about grammar anyhow? It will be up to the reader to play the role of editor and make certain that everything I say is politically correct and in the proper tense, seeing as how I should be dead and all.

This being the case, I feel safe in people, whoever they may be, reading about the real me, although I'm not exactly sure I know who that is, which is cause for some concern. OK, here it goes: I'm a 20-year old virgin. There, I said it. Now, perhaps this is not surprising to you, especially if you know me. You see I suffer from numerous physical and psychological conditions that require me to collect prescription bottles like an octogenarian with a heart murmur. You may also not think that such a revelation should be at the forefront of my self-esteem or general perspective on life. You are correct, but there is more to come, I promise.

My moods have begun to grow more and more unstable lately. As a result, I have a drug for any feeling or emotion that is in any way unpleasant. Some of these drugs are prescribed and some are not.

Most people start off their Tuesdays with a cup of coffee and a piece of toast or a bagel with lox and a bowl of cereal. Perhaps they ingest a couple of vitamins for good measure and swallow them down with some orange juice. I begin Tuesday with two orange Xanex pills, prescribed, for the treatment of generalized anxiety, followed by three blue beta-blockers, which are normally prescribed for people in their fifties with high blood pressure, but in my case

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