by Christine G.

Created on: November 27, 2008   Last Updated: July 29, 2009

Dear Dr. Philippa,

I am constantly exhausted. My brain can no longer think rationally. My vocabulary continues to shrink, and I often catch myself babbling baby talk in my sleep. My emotions are out of control. Some mornings, I forget to dress, and answer the door in my bathrobe. I've lost interest in sex.

My marriage used to be a dream come true, but now it's a nightmare. Whenever I want my husband to pay attention to me, he's drooling over a younger woman. When he finally has time for me, he criticizes my stunted vocabulary and wonders why I haven't read any interesting books during all my free time at home.

What is wrong with me? What can I do about it?

Materna in Manhatten

Dear Materna,

There is nothing wrong with you. You are a new parent, trying to fit a 27-hour schedule into a 24-hour day.

Find other parents to talk to. You may not realize it, but they are everywhere. Even your own mother and father were exactly where you are today.

While you are looking for kindred parenting spirits, help yourself stay calm by chanting the Parenting Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept the mess, the noise, the sleepless nights;

courage to look after myself even when I am feeling guilty;

and the wisdom to realize that one day I will look back on all this and wish I could do it again.

Adult contact will stimulate your brain and rehabilitate your vocabulary. Once you have begun the recovery process, you can start working the 13 suggested steps for surviving parenthood.

1. We admitted that we could not do it alone.

2. We came to believe that our mothers and other benign adults could, and would, help us.

3. We asked these people to help with childcare, even if their parenting methods differed from ours.

4. We made a list of all the bad personal habits we wanted to break.

5. We burned the list and forgot about it.

6. We made a list of our parenting aspirations.

7. We burned the list, along with our library of child-rearing manuals.

8. We went out on a date with our spouse.

9. We continued to schedule dates and adult activities.

10. We compiled a list of competent baby sitters, framed it, and hung it in a prominent place.

11. We kept in touch with said baby sitters, offering them fabulous rewards for their loyalty.

12. We streamlined our routines, and made life as simple as possible.

13. We accepted our children as priceless gifts to us, and did everything we could to enjoy our journey with them.

Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we forgave our parents for all the stupid and embarrassing things they did while we were growing up, and reached out to other parents who were still suffering.

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