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"Well, she doesn't get that from my side of the family."

A funny line in this age of reason, but still one that is used and meant. As parents we ant so much from our kids and so much of it is what we see as the good parts of ourselves. It isn't a crime that we want to see ourselves in our kids. Children are like a sort of immortality for us, but we need to understand that genes play only a role in the development and creation of children.

Every child is an individual and unique in there interpretation of the world. How we foster the our children's values and morals plays a part, but even the best intentions can harm. Let's be honest, there are parts of our brain that are inexplicable and there are still children who have the best upbringing that will disappoint. If parents can hold on to the realization that all you can do is the best you can, then sanity prevails in the face of hardship. We were all children once, but we quickly forget our own feelings of angst and rebellion.

Most of us rebelled as kids, most of us butted heads with our parents. When dealing with situations it is better to look at the child as an individual with their own thoughts, their own intelligence and their own points of view. discussion without blame is a valuable tool, one statement demeaning a child can be a blow the child can not get up from. If ever you compare a child to yourself, it creates an impossible ladder for the child to climb. It creates a rebellious thought in the mind of a child. The final argument you will hear is, "I am not you!" And they would be correct.

Nurture the individual, enjoy the new person that your child grows into. Hold their hand, but be able to let it go. Be a parent and discipline bad behaviour, but also try to understand it. If your child is not doing their homework there is a reason. They may feel intimidated by the work, they may be having troubles with friends, they may be lazy, all these can be addressed. Comparing your habits as a child to theirs does not teach or address anything, it actually belittles the child. Listen to this statement and I have heard it used by parents many times.

"When I was your age I always did my homework."

The sentence is meant as a harmless push to do the work, but it does not work as incentive. The child often thinks about their own intelligence. I have heard a child say they are stupid, that is sad. If a child is just not doing something because they don't want to, and yes kids do that, punish them, but make sure you are looking at the entire situation. Never jump to conclusions and accusations. A child who feels like their own person will talk to their parents about troubles, not all, but most.

Remember a child is your offspring, but is not wired exactly like you. Don't decide they should be you, you will be wrong every time you take this attitude. Children do not fall far from the tree, but they do land some distance from it.

Learn more about this author, Paul Rees-Jones.
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