by Cicely Richard

Created on: November 26, 2008   Last Updated: January 15, 2009

As children enter their teen years, their desire for independence and the ability to make their own decisions increases. This milestone can be tricky for them because they often feel trapped between childhood and adulthood. Parents, too, face challenges associated with their children's growing pains. They must draw a fine line between allowing an acceptable amount of freedom and setting reasonable limits. It is hard balancing teen privacy with parenting because it is important for teens to learn independence. At the same time, they need to learn that every action has a positive or negative consequence.

One way to give teens needed privacy is to not pry if the teen has a diary. Every person needs to have something they feel is only for them, some place to go to share deep thoughts that they wouldn't even share with close friends. Even if the parent is close to their child, they should still let them have this private place to spill their emotions. Writing is, after all, a good way to work out stuff that clutters the mind. As long as their teens' general personality remains unchanged, parents shouldn't worry.

Another way to parent while giving privacy is to not listen in on teenagers phone calls. None of us likes feeling that someone's monitoring our calls, even at work. The same respect should be given to teenagers. However, parents have the right to set limits as to the amount of time spent on the phone and, in some cases, who they talk to on the phone. If teens have cell phones, parents should make sure that directives about usage are set, such as the number of minutes available to them. Parents have the right to take away phone privileges if rules are broken.

Balancing teen privacy with parenting is especially important when it comes to Internet use. It can be tricky, especially if teens are members of social networking sites or do on-line research. Parents should supervise the Internet without being intrusive. Set up the computer in a public area of the home and limit the amount of computer time. In this way, parents can watch activities without watching. Make sure restrictions are in place that limit computer use at night or chatting with people they don't know. However, like the phone, parents have the right to take away privileges if the rules are not followed.

Parents should allow teens to form friendships. It's hard for parent to let their children learn hard lessons about who they should and should not trust, but they must resist the urge to be judgmental of their teens' choices. When friends visit the home, don't hover over them or eavesdrop in on conversations. However, parents have the right to ask questions and get to know the people associating with their young ones. Additionally, if teens' personalities change or they start exhibiting destructive behavior, it may be time to step in and find out what's going on.

It's a hard process balancing teen privacy with parenting. However, mutual respect for one another can make the difficult process a little bit easier. It is important to remember that letting go creates self-sufficient adults. On the other hand, knowing when to step in lets teens know that there are limits to what they can do and that there are consequences for their actions.

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