by Todd Pheifer

Created on: November 25, 2008   Last Updated: December 08, 2008

How do you really know?

Most parents, on some level, hope that they have raised their children "right." The challenge of this issue is three-fold. One, people must define what "right" means in our society. We live in a world of relativism, and people are often more interested in deflecting the question than arriving at some level of objective truth. Secondly, one would have to establish some sort of measurement to evaluate "positive ways." Simple obedience may not be a broad enough criteria.

A research study of ONE

Most often people are content to say something like, "Well, it SEEMS like they are a good kid." In addition, parents sometimes live in denial when it comes to the behavior of their child. This makes evaluation a bit more difficult. In addition, your actions may influence your children in a positive way at the moment but it may have negative effects on them long term. For example, you might make your children happy by giving them ice cream right now, but it may make them think that ice cream is always an option. This is why "positive ways" can be a complex concept. That said, there are ways to make sure your actions influence your children in a positive way.

Comparisons

Making comparisons to other situations is one way to measure effectiveness. All parenting situations are somewhat unique and children are impacted by a variety of influences. However, it is prudent to compare parenting styles to other people, and observe the results of those decisions. Granted, this doesn't mean that they are always "right", but they can be a piece of the puzzle. In this regard it is also important to evaluate different stages of parenting. Times do change, but some things remain consistent over time.

Dialogue

Talking to your children is a crucial part of family life. Granted, children may be less forthcoming as they get older, but that doesn't mean that parents should abandon conversation. Rather than assume their decisions are correct, parents can simply ask their children how they feel. Of course, some parental actions are not going be popular so they must keep that in mind. Still, the families that struggle are often those that do not face their feelings or share with the other members.

Hypocrisy?

A crucial part of making sure your actions are effective is to be consistent. In other words, parents must make sure that their words match their actions. The concept of "do as I say, don't do as I do" does not often work in parenting situations. Children learn by observation,

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