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Satire: The prom

It was once said that if you wanted to know what your prospective wife would look like in the years to come, all you need do is cast an eye to her mother. Thanks to advances in diet, exercise routines and even plastic surgery, this statement is no longer a real concern to bachelors anymore, but I feel that men should still have some rule by which to judge their partner in regards to matrimony. Marriage is not to be taken lightly, and there is nothing more inclined to take the bubble off the wine like a glance at the percentage of failed marriages. And considering the rise in media coverage of that demonic possession called Bridezilla, I feel that men could easily save themselves a world of trouble by asking this one little question before popping the big one; what did you do for prom?

You see, gentlemen, while you may be aware that women are given to planning their wedding day from the time they are little girls, what you didn't know is that prom (particularly senior prom) is the dress rehearsal. Sure, it might not be solely 'their' day, but it's as close to the real thing as they're going to get at that age. This is where a woman's inner Bridezilla first begins to sharpen her claws.

First of all, there is the matter of being asked to prom. If you've ever seen a woman who is in relentless pursuit of a diamond ring and wondered where she got her stamina from, consider this her training ground. And while there is the option of going to the big dance alone, no girl in that state of mind would do so. Just like a dream wedding is not complete without a groom, the perfect prom experience can not be completely had without a date.

In many cases, the girl will already have a steady boyfriend, so the trick is to get him to agree to attend. It is not enough to simply assume that they will go; she must be asked, in clear, concise language, preferably in a sweet and endearing way. This way, she can one-up her friends when they start swapping stories and not feel like she is being taken for granted. If you've ever wondered why some men make such grand gestures when proposing, it's a safe bet that they once were reamed by a girlfriend in high school for not properly asking them to prom.

Once that has been secured, now the girl will focus on the dress. The dress is paramount to the prom experience, to the point that it will even surpass their date in importance. By this point, he's more of an ambulatory accessory anyway, albeit one that requires a bit of affectionate maintenance


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