by Elaine Sihera

Created on: November 25, 2008

* Are you comfortable and confident in your answers when your child comes to you with questions regarding sex?

* Do you brush off your child because you feel he/she is too young?

* When do you feel is a good age to talk to your child about sex?

* Who is better at handling questions like this in your household, you or your partner?

* How do you handle questions about sex with your children?

These are questions anxious parents often ask, but it is best to deal with them by being as honest and open with them as possible, and in the simplest way. Many parents naturally feel very self conscious about the whole subject of sex and their children, but if a child is asking, that is the time to tell them, in simple terms, how they came about, stressing the love element between the parents that makes it all happens. Telling the child yourself is far better than them hearing it in an unwholesome way from someone else at school who might have even less knowledge! It seems that our approach to discussing sex is heavily influenced by how we were brought up to deal with it, whether it was an unmentionable subject in our homes, or it was accepted in discussions. So the most uncomfortable reactions are likely to be from parents whose own childhood had sex as a taboo.

Yet, if we love all aspects of our lives and benefit from them, we cannot feel ashamed to talk about them. Everything is a part of us. We cannot single out some parts for praise and hide the others! If we accept that sex is a function of our bodies, like eating and drinking, except that it also involves someone else, we will feel more confident about discussing it. If it still presents a problem talking about it, there are many leaflets around for youngsters which you could get to give them to read, if they can read. I did that with my daughter when she was nearing her periods. I got her a couple of leaflets about what to expect and how to cope with them, told her to read them and then come and ask me questions, if there was anything she still wanted to know or didn't understand. It worked like a dream. No angst or problems. So that could be one way around it, which then takes the onus off you to have to talk about it. But it does depend on the age involved.

I think because women find it easier to express things, they tend to be the ones expected to do the sex talks! However, many families seem to raise awareness according to the gender of the child: mothers talk to daughters and fathers talk to sons to lessen any potential embarrassment. No child is too young to talk about sex, but, as a former teacher, I have found that a child is truly ready for the knowledge when they begin to ask or become curious, not when someone else thinks they are ready.

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