by Jack Junier

Created on: November 25, 2008

Hello, and welcome back to the Documentary Channel. In tonight's feature, brought to you without commercial interruption courtesy of Pak Hung Lo Condom Company, prepare yourself for an inside look at one of North America's most awkward mating rituals: the prom. We have obtained exclusive footage of this phenomenon, staged annually for hormonal indigenous creatures called "high school students."

We begin with a bit of history. The prom was designed, ironically, by Chinese zookepers in 1948 as a means to prevent several breeds of panda from dying out in captivity. Clearly this measure failed, as zoologists the world over have had to resort to several more clever and technologically advanced methods over the years. A misinterpreted telegram wired to a high school principal in the early 1950s led to the implementation of the prom method to secure the proliferation of the North American population.

The prom is one of the only concepts from that era to have completely withstood the test of time. Virtually all of the hallmarks of ritual remain intact in modern observances of this practice. In addition to prolonging the species' tenure on our planet, the "prom committee" has long served as many young people's first experience with bureaucracy.

In this recently de-classified footage, you can see how a normal high school gymnasium, pictured here, can be transformed into a land of fantasy and romance. This is accomplished through the frugal use of streamers, glitter, track lighting, and tacky musicians. Disco balls are also employed liberally in setting the scene. Regrettably, the footage we obtained of a prom committee meeting is too violently graphic to be shown this evening.

Ah, the prom-goers are arriving. Young ladies and gentlemen have spared no expense and skipped a number of meals to facilitate the clothing they must wear for the ritual. Many high school students are tempted by luxury on this night of nights, and pool their money and resources to hire a limousine and coordinate amateurish wardrobe malfunctions as they arrive at the soiree. The evening is young, and the possibilities endless. The musicians have begun the first of many barely recognizable renditions of popular current musical stylings, and the youngsters in attendance congregate in the center of the room for the first part of the ritual, known in our language as "dancing."

Though their movements may be awkward, these young students are setting in motion the kind of magic they will dream of for years

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