by Joseph King

Created on: November 24, 2008

These jokes are from my standup routine. Enjoy!

I don't understand why I'm seeing commercials for albums coming out. I mean, shouldn't the songs be enough of a commercial? If you're going to do that, at least make the commercials entertaining. You don't even have to have a song in it! Justin Timberlake can just be chillin' on his couch, Timbaland calls:

"Hello?"

"Sexy Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack."

"Sexy Baaaaaack."

"aaaaaaack."

"Hey, put Nelly Furtado on the phone."

"Hello?"

"Give it to meeeeeeee."

"Give it to meeeee."

"Aaaaack."

"Eeeee"

"Eeeeeeeeee."

Buy Timbaland's new album featuring Justin Timberlake and Nelly Furtado. In stores July 21st.

And Speaking of commercials, why does milk have to advertise? I mean, breasts are everywhere. But, seriously, is there anybody out there going "Wow, milk! What a fantastic idea! I've been eating my cereal with scotch! I mean, it's like Snap! Crackle! Sleep with my sister-in-law."

Radio stations anger me too. "96.5," best station for variety. And you listen to these stations and it's like:

"Well, that was Rob Thomas followed by Matchbox 20 followed by Santana; featuring Rob Thomas."

When I hear variety, I think:

"Well that was John Coltrane and Miles Davis with 'Straight No Chaser;' Johanne Sebastian Bach with 'Tocatta en Fugue,' and Prodigy with "Smack my Bitch Up."

I admire Justin Timberlake, though. I really do because he can get away with so much. He has reached that upper echelon of cool. Have you seen the "Sexy Back" video? He does this stupid, crazy hand-gesture. (I hold out my arm to the side with a slightly bent elbow, palm-side up, and squeeze my hand repeatedly like "one hand clapping" while singing "I'm bringing sexy back"). It looks terrible! But I figured J.T. gets away with it so I might as well give it a shot. So there I am in a club, approaching this fine-looking girl, "I'm bringing sexy back." Ugh. You're not bringing "sexy back," you're pushing sexy away.

Speaking of Rock, how about BaROCK Obama. I'm proud of this country now, too. We elected a man named Barack Hussein Obama. Hussein Obama. Like, how many enemies of this country can we cram into one guy whose running for president's name? Please welcome President of the United States Barack Castro, Hussein, Vietnam, Benedict Arnold, Rommel, Ayatolla, England, Hirohito, Stalin, Confederacy, Bin Laden, Obama W. Bush.

That's just the way I see things. Good night everybody!

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