by Vanessa Cowley

Created on: November 23, 2008   Last Updated: December 12, 2009

I was raised by a liberated mother. As I entered puberty, I wasn't even allowed to get a bra! I was told again and again that a woman must be strong and independent and able to look after herself. I was directed to get a career in the sciences, although I suspect that was because female students were not permitted to get science degrees only a decade or two earlier. I pursued my biology degree and went to work for a local park district after graduation.

I knew marriage and family were in my future, but somehow, I saw those as something in addition to progressing in my career of choice. I found a wonderful man and married him, and started to look ahead to having children. As I drove out one Easter Sunday morning to work an event in the park, I realized that I did not want to miss spending Easter Sunday at home with my kids. When I was out until 10:00 pm on a night program with a group of cub scouts, I realized that I did not want to miss tucking my children in to bed at night. I knew then that my career path was completely incompatible with having a family.

In this modern age, having children is a choice, and I know many women who have chosen to focus on their careers and not have children. I have a lot of respect for these women; I don't believe this is an easy decision to make. They recognized that they would sacrifice family for career, and have chosen to pursue a different path to the one I have chosen. Knowing that I had a choice about having children, I don't feel I have a choice in raising them.

Now that I have two wonderful young children, I have realized the extent of sacrifices required to pursue a professional career, and I have stepped away from that goal, choosing instead to make sure my children get all the support they need to get their homework done, get to their soccer practices and any other extra-curricular activities they are interested in. It has meant a fair bit of financial sacrifice, but when weighed against the monthly cost of daycare, it is not so much of a trade off for me to stay home.

I have no regrets about stepping away from my career for now. It has created opportunities to pursue new interests and aptitudes and make new contacts in my community. I am confident, that when the time comes, I will be ready to again step out into the full-time workforce, and will be a better employee for dedicating this time to my family.

Learn more about this author, Vanessa Cowley.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.