by Victor Coelho

Created on: November 23, 2008

The Interview and the Eye

He made a strong first impression the moment I saw him. He was well-dressed, well groomed, looked intelligent, and immediately made eye contact with me. His handshake was a bit overly firm, and as he squeezed, I got the impression I was involuntarily involved in a handgrip competition designed to impress upon me his dominance.

Also, his eyes did not deviate from mine once the handshake was completed. He maintained a deep, penetrating, unwavering gaze. Even though I knew better, I had the uneasy feeling he was trying to hypnotize me.

Now, here I was in the interesting position of bringing into my office for a job interview, an individual who was apparently very competitive and trying to make a strong first impression. That he did! I arrived at that conclusion before he even spoke his first word. Alas, even though the expression on his face was neutral to somewhat positive, the impression was negative.

Why? He came to MY office-MY Castle! He wanted something from me-a job referral! He continued his laser stare. Even so, I decided to break the eye contact between us. It wouldn't be appropriate, if someone were observing, to look like two puff-feathered roosters with bobbing heads engaged in a stare down contest. It's a well-known psychological fact that the first person to break eye contact usually takes the submissive role in the following interaction. I am not a submissive type of guy,especially in my Castle. However, to move things along, I shifted my eyes to the chair beside my desk and invited him to it.

Even with his constant stare, common courtesy on my part required me to listen to what he had to say, and to consider what he offered as a candidate for the job referral. His words were cordial, and he appeared confident and composed, yet I felt tension growing within me. His eyes remained fixed and unwavering. I was the listener, and as the listener, it was more appropriate for me to extend eye contact. He was the speaker. As the speaker, his extending eye contact for more than the time needed to establish a connection became aggressive and an invitation in to a stare down.

What he had to say was lost in the unending glare of his stare. The purpose of our coming together in this meeting was for communication and communion leading to and supporting a positive referral. Instead, he destroyed his verbal message and presentation with negative body language.

He did not receive a referral.

The lessons to be learned here are:

1. Eye contact, when made by the speaker, should be made periodically than broken away without looking down. The reason why the speaker should not look down when breaking eye contact is to not convey submissiveness to the listener.

2. As the interviewer, I'm not looking for submissiveness or for aggression. I'm looking for facts presented by the applicant to justify my decision to refer.

3. The nonverbal cues provided by this applicant told me more about him than what he wrote out in his application and verbalized in our conversation.

I can be contacted through my website at: www.labormarketsnippets.com

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