by Ann Marie Dwyer

Created on: November 23, 2008   Last Updated: May 12, 2011

Co-dependency is a psychological disorder in which a person has a dysfunctional relationship with himself. Its symptoms are prevalent in members of dysfunctional families, abusive relationships and alcohol/drug addicted families/relationships.

A co-dependent person lives through the lives of others or for another. He may try to control the life of another or play the role of the savior. His own shortcomings and failures will be broadcast as someone else's "fault" or in a severe sense of victimization. He will be anxious and have problems with intimacy. He will seek out relationships where he believes others must depend on him, even if the reality is his dependence on them.

Stress-related physical ailments manifest from co-dependence, especially insomnia, gastro-intestinal dysfunction, ulcers, migraine headaches and skin rashes.

Co-dependent parents are likely to pass the co-dependence to their children. This disorder is a learned behavior. Parents who exhibit co-dependent behavior teach their children how to be co-dependent. Examples:

Dependency

Mom is co-dependent. She feels like her children are totally dependent on her. She believes without her, her children could not survive, so she takes overbearing and controlling care of them. In this way, she is responsible for them.

Ironically, she feels others are responsible for her. Her mistakes and unhappiness are blamed on others (whether specifically or the general, unidentifiable "they") even when she is the direct cause. The dependence is two-way: Her children depend on her, and she depends on another.

Living Vicariously

Dad is co-dependent. He regrets he was passed over (he believes intentionally and unjustifiably) for the football team. Since he was denied, he will move Heaven and Earth to be certain his child is not denied. He makes no effort to discern whether or not his son has talent, interest or desire for football. Dad believes his son have the success he was denied. That success will be his sole responsibility.

Living for Another

Mom has been married to an alcoholic since she was nineteen. Everyday she hides the liquor bottles, calls his job to make another excuse and trains the children that Dad's sick with one of his headaches. The sole reason she lives is to enable her husband. She believes he could not survive without her help and her children need her to support him.

Control

Mom will seek to control all aspects of her children's lives. She has an arsenal to control her children: Advice, coercion,

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