by Aimee Mendel

Created on: November 23, 2008   Last Updated: February 04, 2009

The biggest mistake most parents make is to think that they need to learn how to deal with their children. When I was growing up, Dr. Spock was the Bible for parents. I have no idea what the bible is today. I was never interested in what any of the experts had to say.

Each child is a unique individual. There is no cookie cutter formula. Have Dr. Spock or Joe Schmo, PhD met your child? Do they know you? Why does it seem so difficult for parents to get a feel for their children's personalities, strengths and weaknesses and preferences? Why don't parents trust their gut when it comes to parenting?

There is one cardinal rule in parenting and this is the only advice any parent should ever need. Respect your child as a human being, a full and equal person, the moment he or she is born. Your child is not dismissible, stupid or inferior. Children's souls and spirits need to be put on the same level as the parents'. Don't misunderstand: this does not mean that children should rule the house. Children need limits and structure, but they also need to feel as though they are an equal part of the family. In the olden days people had children to help on the farm or in the family business. Children were seen as additional workers. Since we no longer live in an agricultural society, this is no longer the case. Children should be seen as an investment. Within reason their health care, emotional and physical needs should be a priority for parents.

Perhaps the most compelling reason for these opinions is the experiences I have had with "experts" over the years. Everyone with a PhD is willing to market him or herself as a learning problems expert. Very few physicians and psychologists actually understand much at all about learning problems. You don't find that out until you have spent a great deal of money....there seems to be no shame among these folks; eventually the parent becomes educated about any problem his or her child may have and can spot these charlatans. Relying on others to tell you how to discipline or rear your child is just as risky.

Think about it. How many situations in life can be solved with a formula without amending it in some way? How valuable is your intuition, your bond with your child and your cultural background? Why should you consider yourself less an expert than the folks who make lots of money writing books? Love your child, respect him or her, and do what you think is right.

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