The greatest mistake parents make is treating their children as if they are vessels of knowledge open to every idea. But the problem with parents expecting children to be like them is the repression of the children's abilities to critically solve problems with a fresh and unbiased perspective. Personality and the way one believes life works becomes virtually permanent by the time he reaches adult age. Important lessons are constantly passed down from generation to generation through parents but so are the same mistakes. What separates kids from adults is the ability to adapt to change better and think outside the traditional ways of doing things. When parents restrict that ability, children will never learn which lessons from their parents are useful and which have been outdated by history.
We've all heard the saying that no man or woman is perfect. It is one of the most reliable aphorisms we can refer to in order to prove why it's harmful for a child in the long run to be forced to become like his parent. Psychologists refer to parents as more than just care-givers to children. Parents are the ultimate teachers of their children, even more so than teachers in school.
While school teachers teach children how to excel academically in the future, the parent's job is to pass on crucial advice on how to live life, define perspectives on issues in society, and to teach the child how to make the best for his own family when he grows up. However, one remarkable observation in life is how similar children are to their parents. This is something that becomes more prominent as you grow older. Look back on your own parents for instance; chances are that you strongly portray a few traits they have or used to have. Genetics is the key to seeing how children are shaped into becoming their parents.
This does not mean children are destined to become exactly like their parents. The important thing to consider is that no parent is perfect. Many things that parents teach to their children are significantly outdated and sometimes even ignorant. Parents primarily from Asia, such as Chinese and Indian parents, stress tradition above all else and demand unquestioning obedience from children. While such authoritarian methods have worked well decades ago, psychologists have found that these strict methods of 'training' a child can cause severe long term effects, such as lack of assertiveness, mental illness, and a poor ability to make critical choices. There are many parents that harshly mistreat their children by forcing them to do difficult tasks that the parents themselves have failed to do in their past. Treating children like puppets to make the family name look more valuable is not only damaging to the child, but highly abusive.
The reason why the teenage years are so turbulent is because the child has reached an age where they realize that decisions are more complex than right or wrong. They will begin to see flaws in their parents' logic, which is no surprise as teenagers become more mature and self-aware. A parent can be blatantly wrong but will keep attempting to show their child the 'right' way to think. An important aspect of a child's development during the teenage years theorized by psychologist Erik Erikson is Identity vs. Role Confusion. Everyone during this time of their life strives to discover what defines them as a person; and the more parents try to decide a role for their children against their wishes, the greater the problems this will cause in the family.
The new generation always experiences the world different from its ancestors. Among the things they experience are new ways of solving the same problems and seeking logical answers to traditional methods. If all kids became like their parents, then the same will be true about the mistakes we make. Parents must be prepared to be proven wrong because it will happen no matter what. They must be able to suck up their pride and respect a child's own opinion.
Were it not for children choosing their own paths, mankind would be destined to repeat the same mistakes for all history. If children are the future, parents must respect them enough to let them walk in their own shoes.
References:
Erikson, Erik H. Identity, Youth and Crisis. New York: Norton, 1968.