by Koren Allen

Created on: November 23, 2008

"You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension. A dimension of sound. A dimension of sight. A dimension of mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You've just crossed over into....the Mommy Zone." -Rod Sterling. Well, mostly.

It's a place where you constantly ask yourself probing questions, like "am I teaching the right moral lesson," or "how can I guide my children to make the right choices," or, "What is that SMELL?"

Its a place where you will yearn for silence, and yet you dread the silence, because deep in your heart, you know that silence inevitably means you will have to scrub peanut butter off of the walls. And the carpet. And the cat.

In this place, your hearing will become so fine-tuned that you will be able to distinguish, from all the way across the house, the difference between a "trip to the ER" crash, and an "it can wait until the next commercial" crash.

You will develop a sixth sense for your children's cries. Without looking, you will know a hungry cry from a tired cry from a "my brother just stole my pretend booger" cry. (Come on now, you know it's real. It's just too disgusting to make up.)

In this dimension, there lives a ghost, a phantom that breezes into your home at will. It leaves the milk out, forgets to flush, and stuffs dirty socks behind the sofa. This poltergeist is named "Not Me" and it is only visible to your children. You must make peace with this spirit, because it will always be there, creating mischief in your home until the day you send your little darlings off to college.

In your sleep-deprived condition, your mind will play tricks on you. You will misplace things constantly: your car keys, your watch, your toddler. Chaos will become commonplace - the bizarre will become reality, and you will become accustomed to saying things like "is that underwear on your sister's head?"

However, even in this surreal dimension, you are not alone. Countless others have traveled this road before you, and they are only a phone call away, assuming you can find your phone. They are your dearest friends and allies: your mother, your sister, your best friend, or the lady at the Poison Control Hotline who knows you on a first-name basis. Use your lifelines!

Moving through this dimension will change you forever, and when your children leave you to make their way in the world, you will yearn to return to the Mommy Zone, because you learned lessons there that you cannot learn anywhere else. You learned that dried up Rice Krispies are the hardest substance known to man. You learned that crayons do indeed pass through a child's digestive tract. You learned that 3 a.m. is the perfect time to sing. And you learned that baby giggles are the sweetest sound in the world.

So for a few lucid years you will have peace, quiet and sanity. But you will miss your time in that chaotic, topsy-turvy, wonderful dimension, and soon enough you will cross over into the next dimension: The Grandma Zone.

Learn more about this author, Koren Allen.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.