by Patty Bates-Ballard

Created on: November 23, 2008

Engaging and clarifying what children say are powerful communication tools. I learned them from speech therapists when my first son was born with Down syndrome. He is still learning to communicate at age six, but I was so in the habit of repeating every sound he made that I did it without thinking with my second son as well. Now, at age 2 , my younger son is very verbal and easy to understand, and I attribute much of that to my relentless engaging and clarification.

Before my sons started using language, I taught them some hand signs to help them tell me what they wanted. A hand mimicking drinking is the sign for "drink". Putting all of your fingertips together means "more". Waving your hands back and forth across each other means "all done". I would say the word and make the sign myself, and then form their hands to make the sign, and then follow up with the drink or more of whatever they wanted. Both sons adapted the signs the way they wanted to make them, but as long as we both understood, it worked. These simple signs really helped reduce the boys' frustration over not being able to communicate, as well as my frustration of not being able to understand what they wanted.

When my second son first started using words, I always repeated them back to him, followed by the word "yes!" and a big smile. He learned the repeating behavior and it has now become a habit for him. What a boon it will be for him as he gets older to naturally clarify what people say to him. I envision that he will avoid many misunderstandings and conflicts as a result.

If he said a word I didn't understand, I asked him to repeat it, or to point and show me what he was saying. I always make sure to tell him I can't understand what he says if he is whining or talking with food in his mouth. Now that he's speaking more clearly, we're working on grammar and pronouns. For example, if my son says, "Mommy are you want to eat?" I respond, "Yes, Mommy wants to eat. Do you want to eat?"

Another important aspect of our communication process is our reading ritual. We read every afternoon before nap and every night before bed. But more often than not, I don't read the words in the book. Instead we look at the pictures and have a conversation about what's going on. I ask him what he sees and what he thinks about it. I tell him what I think, and often I make up a song about what's going on. If you would have told me that I'd be singing about bulldozers and dump trucks, I wouldn't have believed it. But at 2 , he (and I) can tell you every kind of truck there is, from backhoes to front loaders to cement trucks, and what they do as well. I do the same kind of thing when we're driving down the road, or anywhere we happen to be.

My older son's special education teacher has remarked to me repeatedly, as have many other teachers, that my younger son is so easy to understand, and that he's stringing together complex sentences amazingly well for his age. I chalk it up to simply engaging him at every opportunity, and being interested in what he has to say. I can't think of anything more fulfilling!

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