by Traci McCaiughey

Created on: November 23, 2008   Last Updated: February 03, 2009

Divorce is a sad reality for half of the couples in the United States and can occur for many different reasons. This event is also one of the highest rated stress events that a person will deal with, as well as a very emotionally charged event. Regardless if you are the party that is asking for the end of the marriage or you are at the receiving end, times are difficult.

Pregnancy is also a very emotionally charged time. There is the excitement of bringing a new life into the world, raging hormones that bring about uncontrolled fits of crying and anger among many others, and the nervousness of everything going perfectly for that little person that you are growing within you.

Combining these two events will require some work to make sure that you do what is best for you and your unborn child. The stress from the divorce will definitely be felt by growing baby, and it is so important for both your health and the health of your child that you do what you can to minimize that negative stress. Though it may be easier said than done, it is possible.

First and foremost, make sure that the divorce is something that you are 100% sure about doing. Too often, couples give up on marriages because the couple does not see eye to eye on trivial items and let anger and frustration dominate their thoughts rather than learning the coping skills that our past generations mastered and lived to sustain long and healthy marriages. So if your relationship is not plagued with abuse and infidelity, look at the reasons for your problems and see if they are something that can be worked through. Also remember that pregnancy hormones can help to magnify things that are not as terrible as they seem. (For example, leaving your husband for getting the wrong brand of mint chocolate chip ice cream at the convenience store at 2am would be an extreme reaction that is not really warranted.)

If you know that your marriage is over, then call upon the support of your friends and family. Surround yourself with people who do care and can provide positive outlooks for you so that you are you not dwelling on the negative events and words thrown around in the divorce.

If the man that you are divorcing is the father of your unborn child AND there is not a concern about abuse towards the child or you, then keep him involved in the pregnancy and the birth of the child. You are only hurting your child by keeping the father away out of your anger towards him or your spite. This is very hard to do when you are angry or hurt by the divorce but parenting is about the child and not just you.

Whatever you do, do not stay together because of the child. If the reason(s) that you and your spouse decided on a divorce once are still present as your child grows and you remain together, your child will pick up on this and the tension. The results of this environment is not good for your child. It is actually very confusing and set s a bad example for the child as to what marriage is and how to handle various life situations.

Divorce is hard and being pregnant is not ideal when you are going through a divorce. It is not, however, the end of the world and you can get through this with a healthy child.

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