by Julie Sharpe

Created on: November 21, 2008   Last Updated: January 31, 2009

I cannot agree that an affair is forgivable. We all have choices, and at one time or other in our lives, we find we have an attraction to another person; but we have the choice whether to act on that attraction. I have been in two marriages now, and have been cheated on twice. My first husband cheated on me for 7 years out of the 11 we were married and denied to me everyday that there was another woman; yet the smell of her perfume clung to him, and to this day if I ever smell that perfume I feel physically and emotionally sick. I spent all those years wondering what I was doing wrong; it stripped me of my confidence and I felt abandoned and unwanted. I ended the marriage and later found the most wonderful, kind and gentle man I could ever hope to meet.

Everything was fine. He was desperate for a baby and we had our daughter and I was so happy. I have never loved a man like I have him and I cannot believe I ever will love a man like him again. So imagine my despair when on doing the family laundry 5 years into our marriage a condom wrapper fell out of his trouser pocket. He had recently spent a week away on a training course. I was distraught, i questioned him and like my first husband, he made me feel like I was imagining things and it was not from his trousers, but my 15 year old son's pocket. My son was adamant it was not and it took a whole year for my husband to finally unburden himself and tell me the truth of meeting a woman on the training course and having sex with her. He told her it was because I did not have sex with him anymore! That was a lie; he also told me because she had never had a child she physically felt different. This totally devastated me. This happened 4 years ago, he promised he would stay faithful and promised me the moon on a stick, but I can not forget or forgive. I have tried and tried but I cannot. I cannot have sex with him anymore, as he does it differently to how we used too, and I have in my mind that he is thinking of her. I have again lost my confidence and feel like I have lost my femininity, too. I do not feel like a woman that is loved and desired; I feel damaged because I had the baby my husband so wanted and that my sexual body is not good enough anymore. It started to get better, but now he looks on sex forums and at porn and denies it. Porn I can cope with...the thought of another woman I cannot. I love him so much and want things to be better but I do not think it will be. I really really love him but sadly, I think it is only a matter of time before we end up a statistic in divorce figures. I used to believe that love conquers all; but infidelity is a cruel reminder that even the strongest of relationships can be destroyed by one or the other making the choice by cheating instead of thinking about the person that sits at home loving and waiting for them.

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