by Victoria Tiegert

Created on: November 21, 2008   Last Updated: January 25, 2009

As your toddler transforms into a teen, it will seem that everything begins to change all at once. They are pulling away from you, while you are trying to hold onto them even tighter as they begin to encounter new types of danger and pressure that you never worried about in those early days. As teenagers, they are beginning to crave their own space and privacy. As parents, we must give some while still providing protection for them. So, how can we find the suitable balance between protecting and respecting that will work for both sides?

First, you must realize that there are lines to be drawn and the most important one is that their safety and well-being must come first. You are still the parent, not the best friend, and your teen needs to know that. Friendship with your child will be a great blessing to look forward to after you have raised them, but the teen years are difficult enough on their own, not ones that they should go through without rules and guidance from you.

As the mother of three teenagers, I have always tried to practice the rule of giving trust freely once. After that trust is broken, it must be earned to get it back. Depending on the offense that has broken trust, that could take a lengthy time to regain. Once they feel the trust they once enjoyed so much is gone, they miss it. No young person enjoys having to constantly check in and have a parent doing "drive bys" when they are with their group of friends. They feel like little kids again, rather than young adults who are capable of being trusted and making intelligent decisions even when mom and dad aren't looking over their shoulder.

My teenagers have also had the privelage of mutual respect. They know that it is mandatory that they give it to us as the parents, but they also know that we will freely return it to them. One of the ways that we show respect for them is that for the most part their room is theirs for as long as they are living with us. We knock on the door and we leave their personal items alone. This respect is upheld unless we feel that they are in some sort of danger or are doing things that may bring danger their way. Diaries are private, except in the case that something is almost certainly going wrong that could be a life-threatening situation. Teenagers need to know that something is sacred and writing in a journal is a good release for their whirling thoughts and emotions.

With the increasing use of technology among people, especially adolescents, parents must become

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