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Wow, what luck I've got finding this topic. I was thinking today how lousy my writing's been. I couldn't put 400 words on a piece of paper if my life depended on it (thankfully, it doesn't). Move over confident, casual writer, move in Ms. Self-Doubt.

I submitted two articles for a prospective freelance gig. It took me three days and I haven't heard back. I'm thinking it's probably a bust.

During the day, I'm a systems administrator and business analyst, which requires frequent communication via e-mail. After three revisions and a quick proofing by my boss, I was able to hit "Send" on a message that contained one paragraph. Yes, friends, one paragraph. That's not the worst part. My boss, cute as a button, red-lined my revisions. She describes herself as thinking at the "3rd grade level" when it comes to composing messages, but says she should be thinking at the "college graduate level". Did I hear that correctly? If she's thinking at the 3rd grade level and she's red-lining my messages, I'm screwed. Hello, Ms. Self-Doubt. Make yourself comfortable. Have a cup of joe. Or a beer. Or a tranquilizer.

The latest issue of a weekly news magazine was delivered in the mail today. During some downtime this evening, I read the articles of interest and found myself flummoxed. "...decentralized phenomenon...moderate and conciliatory effort...Millenialist blah blah blah antipathy..." WHAT? Excuse me, but, HUH? I know what the words mean, but they're not in my head. Whatever, or whoever, has taken over my intelligence has really horked me in a big, Byzantinian way.

I found while attempting to write the two 400-word articles that with each word I erased, my self-doubt increased. One step forward, two steps back, one word written, four words erased. I used the thesaurus, the dictionary, my useless overworked, overtired, underpaid brain, and even stared at the blank wall in front of me, hoping words would materialize, and not in "The Shining" type of way. I stepped away from the computer, I took a walk around the block. I drank a diet Coke. That was the first day. There were two more days of that crap before I finally got the things completed and submitted.

So, here I am at over 350 words for this topic. Ms. Self-Doubt is taking a well-deserved nap. She earned it. If she rears her pretty little head tomorrow, I'm ripping it off and shoving it down her throat. She's alright to take a walk with, or maybe even drink a beer with, but that chick is NOT staying with me anymore.

Learn more about this author, Julie Sewell-Schmidt.
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