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Dating, the word itself makes you cringe. Once, an enjoyable social ritual, whereby men and women (for the purposes of this article anyway) could get to know each other in a fun and enjoyable setting, dating has become a sexual job interview, or worse yet, an interrogation. We all know what it's like to feel the heat of that bare light bulb in our face as a formerly jilted, over suspicious detective, picks apart our psyche with the bad cop-scary cop routine, trying to find out who we "really" are.

So, how do we, as men, in this over-competitive professional world, navigate an even more competitive dating world? A place where the slightest misstep can land you behind your computer in chat rooms or looking at fake profiles of models on dating sites? Dating can be tricky business, trying to cut through a woman's defenses and actually get to know her. So, if you don't want your nickname to be spanky, you better know what you're dealing with.

First of all, women NEVER tell the truth! Don't believe me? Ask any woman what she wants in a man. Her answer will always be the same. "I want a nice guy with a sense of humor". Bull-doodies! Those guys are everywhere, and they're lonely! Now, ask a woman, who has a man, to describe him. She'll tell you what he does for a living, what he looks like and she'll name something he owns. Try it. Now, what she won't do, is tell you that her man a nice guy with a sense of humor! He is NOT, but she is going home with him tonight! You getting it?

Next, women always think you are lying. There is nothing you can do about that. There is a simple rule I want you all to know and understand. Cheaters think you're cheating and liars think you're lying. Everyone thinks everyone else is like them. So if someone you're seeing thinks you're cheating, well, either they're cheating, or maybe they are just very perceptive. Your call.

Finally, women are every bit as shallow as men, but pretend they are not. That's the story behind the ridiculous "nice guy with a sense of humor" bit. I don't know how they keep a straight face! Women complain about "society's unrealistic body image" and men's obsession with these "air-brushed freaks" in fashion magazines. Yet these same women wont go out with the nice guy with the receding hair line! Women want a man with looks and money. It's that simple.

Ok, I know that I've scared some of you. I understand. But before you do something drastic like join a monastery or buy yourself some Capri pants and start learning show-tunes,

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