by Ren Huff

Created on: November 20, 2008

I could do a million things with a million pounds. Of course, to name them all would take at least a million minutes. All of which I do not have but I will play in your dream and share a fraction of my million ideas.

1. If I had a million pounds of cheese I would gather up every rodent within a thousand miles from my residence and place them in one central location. I would then surround them with a huge barrier of cheese, all the while knowing it would take them a million days to eat their way out. Yea! No more pesky rodents!

2. If I had a million pounds of buttons I would save them up for winter and visit every little child's house and after making a snow man with them I would give them the buttons needed to finish it out. Oh how sweet!

3. If I had a million pounds of red paint I would give a gallon to each person who has ever used the pick-up line "Let's paint the town red." Not the best line for picking up anyone of the opposite sex!

4. If I had a million pounds of sarcasm I would bottle it up and hurl it at the next person who feels the need to blow their nose at the dinner table in a public restaurant. So gross!

5. If I had a million pounds of gravel I would take the Window's Vista program and throw a rock at it every time it fails me. That may not take very long to dwindle my pile of gravel. Ha!

6. If I had a million pounds of weight on my body I could at least say I enjoyed the food before it killed me. Although it would take about a million pounds of dirt to dig up and bury me. Can you say "Give me my own graveyard!"

7. If I had a million pounds of hair I would gather every bald male who has tried every avenue to grow hair and found it to fail, and then glue on a nice patch for them. Sorry, Hair Club For Men just went out of business!

8. If I had a million pounds of ammo I would melt it all down and make me some really nice jewelry. Um...wait...there is gun powder in ammo. That could pose a problem. I would probably blow up into a million pieces. Scratch that!

9. If I had a million pounds of sand I would build my own beach and not allow in anyone who feels the need to wear a string and napkin to cover their million pound body fat. It's not pretty people! Why don't you build your own beach so we don't have to look at it?

10. And finally if I had a million pounds (that is $662,471.02 in U.S. dollars), which is probably what this article is referring to, I would buy a small island to live on and think of a million ways to disperse a million pounds of...

That is what I would do with a million pounds. I wonder if a million people could come up with any better ideas than what I suggested. That would generate at least a million hours of wasted time; like we have nothing else better to do.

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