by DD Sow

Created on: November 20, 2008   Last Updated: January 10, 2009

In any meeting, it is very common to feel a little uneasy not because you are on trial or waiting to hear your sentence but much worse. You will go on trial and will have a hearing all inside the space of one evening. Meeting someone on a first date is always uneasy in that regard as it is just a feeling of discomfort of the unknown. Men have been known to orchestrate those feelings of fear into nervousness of how they would feel at a first interview or making a positive impression but while trying to come across well composed and likeable problems develop in communication and this almost is a precursor to an evening that often self-destruct in disappointment.

The most basic problem for any man on a date is creating the balance: a balance between listening and speaking, a balance between profession and personality, a balance between what to speak about and what to leave in the closet, a balance between respecting each other's space and boundaries, a balance between developing chemistry and not coming across as desperate.

The main problem is on a date is to maintain the speed in which she is rolling the conversation or whether she is up to the task of maintaining the speed of which a standard you set. Bare in mind those double standards does apply convincing oneself that regardless, this is an expense that should not be calculated as an investment. You are not the benefactor because at your expense she will be the architect of the night. She will dazzle you with her personality and though your contribution is appreciated you must maintain enough space to allow her more room to expand her thoughts and ideals.

It's what she wants you to find the answer of by instinct and not by question that there lays a difficulty. She may briefly mention to you whether she has been at the same restaurant before, if she has, she knows what to order but it's really what you are ordering that she makes a judgment of. This may even go as far as how you address the waitress that serves you at your table yet you cannot make a judgment on how she looks at the waiters around you. She will ask you questions that may have difficult answers but not willing to hear the whole explanation. She will watch your every move yet be careful how you keep an eye on her. It's about looking at what she admires about herself and not looking at what she considers bad manners. It's about your movements, gestures and mannerism, all which are watched with a microscopic analysis by her and how she interprets

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