by Maurice Turmel

Created on: January 17, 2007   Last Updated: May 11, 2007

When I feel emotionally crushed, I feel squashed all over. Every part of me feels shattered, broken and bleeding in every sense except the physical.

My body remains intact, but the psychological structures that support it are in taters. This is the essence of emotional disintegration at the cellular level. I have been through this on a number of occasions during the course of my growth journey. And each time I come back together at a healthier and stronger place.

It's hard going through a process such as this. It is literally a shattering experience. Everything you've relied on feels broken and strewn across the floor of your life. Your ideas, your dreams, your hopes, all shattered and lying in a heap which can never be put back together- just like Humpty Dumpty!

There is a temptation to pick up those pieces and attempt a reintegration, but the damage is beyond repair. Only a new structure can replace this mess. When you feel shattered, broken and bleeding, there's nothing much to do but wait.

You will come back together in short order. Don't worry about that. It's just part of the reconstruction process. The old has to come down before the new can fully come forth. Your body, mind and spirit will come back together as they are very capable of doing. So don't dwell too much on the anxiety; that will pass too.

At some level you are letting go of something you don't need anymore, like a snake shedding its old skin. The snake doesn't need that skin anymore because a new one has been growing underneath. Just like the spiritual and emotional growth you've been practicing has taken shape underneath and is ready to be viewed. A newer, fresher version of who you are is coming to the fore.

You will be feeling vulnerable for a while. That old skin kept you cozy with its familiarity and predictability. But, as with all things in nature, a new order wants to be established and the old has to come down to make room for it. So we crawl into the deep grass with our anxiety and fear and wait for that old skin to come off. Once that is accomplished we may need to stay for a while because we will feel naked and vulnerable for some time after. That's OK. Take all the time you need. You will be ready to move forward soon enough.

Such is the nature of a transformation. A certain point is reached where the old order has to crumble to make room for the new. We psychologists call it Positive Disintegration. It is the hope for our future as human beings. Too many people want to hang on at

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