by Melanie Lowe

Created on: November 20, 2008

I am just one person... One person with a million thoughts...But I have only one dream. At least it started as a dream, briefly became a reality, as if to tease me, and then once again became a dream. It will probably always be this way. Most times I'm sure it's still what I want to do with my life. When I was younger I was never more sure about anything than the fact that I wanted to sing my songs. When you're young you don't think about practicalities. I didn't say to myself, "I want to make a living with my music." I merely said,"I want to sing my songs." The dreamer in me thought that that would feed me somehow. I think it was that attitude that got me to where I am though. If I think about it, when it came to music, I never thought twice, I just said yes, and the universe heard me. There was nothing calculating about it, no ulterior motives, no thoughts of whether or not it'd make me famous, put food on my table, pay my bills... It was just an inherent love for music and it was enough for me.

It was one of those times, that I said yes without thought or hesitation, that everything changed. Now, 6 years after the fact, singing is no longer enough for me. Reality snuck in. The dream got lost in a myriad of things like marketing and politics and radio friendly hooks. I am one of millions of dreamers who all have the same dream and guess what I discovered? A dream DOESN'T sustain you. When you realise that, and it becomes about compromising your dream and your passion in order to pay your bills, you find yourself on a tightrope, teetering this way and that, trying to maintain the balance between survival and sanity, without falling. It's very hard to follow the path that destiny obligingly laid out in front of you, back in the days when dreaming was enough; especially when you have to keep denying Destiny in order to feed yourself. While you are selling your soul to make money, Destiny is tapping her fingers impatiently on the sidelines and you know she won't wait forever but a fear of losing your grip prevents you from giving in to her. And it's not even just about sustenance anymore. It's about getting yourself out there so people don't lose you in the millions of other desperate hopefuls trying to reach that pinnacle, the holy of holies, that place of all places with the signpost that reads, "You have arrived." (cue the choir of angels singing triumphantly) But that place is rather elusive, I've realised. It's the mirage in the desert of the music industry.

The

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