by Kathy Vandermark

Created on: November 20, 2008

There is no 12-step program or any book published that will tell you how to be the perfect parent or how to raise a child to be perfect. Raising a child is like any other relationship you have or any activity you try. It is a learning experience for both the parent and the child. In this instance, even practice doesn't make you perfect, but with each new child, you do become more confident and experienced.

Many of the child-rearing books are worth reading, especially if you are new to parenting. Some of the books have good advice and can help guide you through health issues and problem-solving issues. But as you read them, keep in mind that your child is not a machine. Every child, the minute it arrives into this world, has it's own little personality. Because your wee one is as unique as a snowflake, what works for other children may not work for your child.

It is important that you don't show favoritism for any child over another. If you buy for one, then you need to buy for all. But when it comes to discipline, teaching, and loving, the process and standards may be different for each of your children. One child may need more cuddling than another. If a book suggests you cuddle all your children and one child has an independent spirit, who needs to work things out on his own, you could be stifling an exceptional growth in the child. With this in mind, how could a 12-step program possibly work?

Chances are, you may find you are reading the wrong books anyway. When you become a parent, life changes drastically. You may find it more useful to find the 12-step program to getting through an entire day or a 12-step program to help you keep your sanity. With instinct and good judgment, you will probably do fine with the children. Find the books that will help you get through your child-rearing days in one piece.

A 12-step program may be fine for losing weight or organizing your house, but when it comes to your children, you need to raise them according to the person they are. You learnt this skill many years ago, when you were a little older than a toddler yourself. You knew which uncle gave coins and which schoolmates shared their toys. You knew people were different in some ways and you need to remember this while raising your children.

The most important thing is to stay open with your children and show them how they are different without offending any one of them. "Johnny likes blue. What color do you like, Sam? See how you are different and like different things? Now let's think of things you both like." This recognition may make it easier when you do things such as help the struggling one with homework. If a child needs more help with homework than another, make sure the other knows why you are spending extra time with the one who needs the help. You can encourage him to help out, giving him the option to participate.

Learn more about this author, Kathy Vandermark.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.