by Julie Sewell-Schmidt

Created on: November 19, 2008

As the parents of a teen, we make every effort to ask who, where, how, when, and what with regard to my daughter's activities. This is not only out of concern for our teen's well-being, but to make her aware that her business is also OUR business and she can expect questions on any element that is not clear to myself and my husband. As a teen, her privacy is a privilege, not a right.

Parenting teenagers in this still relatively new millennium requires the same fundamental tools our parents used with us, such as love, emotional and psychological support, and promotion of a moral compass that points in the correct direction. The overall approach seems to have changed in the past few decades, though. As a teen, my parents made it clear there were no negotiations when it came to my privacy. There was not a second thought about keeping my parents out of my room, not telling them my destination upon leaving the house (and providing parents' names, telephone numbers, occupational description, type of car they drove everything but their social security number, it felt like at the time), or not letting them search my backpack. In today's world, teens have empowered themselves more and parents have allowed their teens to befriend them. Often times, the boundaries between parent and child are blurred, teens believe they're entitled to privacy, and parents believe their children need a friend more than discipline and guidelines.

Though the outlook may sound grim, balancing teen privacy and parenthood can be a win-win situation for both parties, provided the roles of parent and child are clearly defined. In addition, the privacy discussion should be handled with fair levels of respect on each side (they want to be treated like adults, therefore, they should learn to behave like them), and most importantly, expectations need to be set from the beginning.

Approaching your teen and asking to come in their room, meet their friends, or obtain contact information for the place they'll be spending time at is not an unreasonable request, but they may be more receptive to the idea if there is a logical explanation driving it. "Because I care about you," or "I'm interested in what you're doing," will surely appeal to teens more than "Because I said so," (which is not a logical answer, by the way) and, "As long as you live under my roof, you'll live by my rules". This shows respect for the teen's privacy as well as a display of parental compassion.

Parents and teens need to discuss with each other expectations and privacy ground rules, keeping in mind that as legal guardians and concerned parents, Mom and Dad have the final say in what is and isn't reasonable.

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