by Dossie M Terrell

Created on: November 19, 2008   Last Updated: May 14, 2012

If you have controlling children, chances are as parents you have inadvertentedly dropped the ball somewhere along the way. As assertive as children seem to be today, seemingly armed with manipulative tactics and strategies from birth, I still believe that emotionally, they are all born with a clean slate. It is up to parents or children's guardians to determine what should or will be imprinted on those slates. Will you be permissive parents? Will you have house rules? Will you rear your children employing a minimal of parental guidance? You may not be consciously aware of making such decisions, but many parents do make those choices.

One can more or less determine a child's future personality by the things he or she does immediately after birth. Take the crying child who has been fed, diapered, and nurtured, but refuses to play in his or her playpen or to lie down and take a nap. The average parents will pick the child up each time there is a whimper because most feel guilty about allowing the child to cry.

The first thing to remember: crying is what babies do for the first nine months or so. If you have had your child checked by a pediatrician and there is nothing wrong, allow them to cry for a while. Do not automatically pick them up each time they cry. Surround them with toys and let them discover their favorite, they may surprise you. If the crying is persistent, there may be a problem, so use common sense. What you are trying to teach them is that they do not rule the roost; if you do not nip this type of behavior in the bud it will only escalate as they grow older. This is the first step toward manipulation or controlling behavior.

When our daughter was a toddler, we would take her with us to restaurants, as we often could not afford a sitter. She delighted in taking her rattler or pacifier and tossing it far across the room to see which one of her subjects would run to pick it up. The diplomat that he was, her father would allow her one toss. After that, it stayed where it was and we continued with our meal. Of course you know what happened next. She screamed bloody murder and the restaurant's patrons would look at us as though we were the worst parents ever.

My husband would lift her from her high chair and hold her in his lap as he allowed her to squirm for a while. He would rub her arms lovingly and continue speaking with me as she quieted down. She soon learned she was not the center of attention and very shortly, we were able to take her not only to

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