by Emmluu

Created on: November 19, 2008

I lost two mothers in one year. On February 11, 2007, I lost my mother-in-law. I call her my mother because not only did she think of me as a daughter but I also thought of her as a second mother. We had much admiration for one another. Despite the handicaps she had (emphysema, asthma, diabetes, heart problems, lung problems; she had to use a scooter to get around and had to be hooked to an oxygen tank 24/7), she was actively involved in her community and several organizations. Respected and loved by all who encountered this beautiful and caring woman, she selflessly gave of her herself and her time. She died in her sleep on that Sunday afternoon after a busy weekend of dancing, cooking for her church, attending Mass and visiting my mother in the hospital. It was a shock when my brother-in-law called my husband to say he could not wake up their mother. We never saw it coming. She had an unstoppable energy and infectious enthusiasm-we thought she would live forever. It was especially upsetting for my husband and myself because we had been angry with her a couple of weeks before her death. We never reconciled that anger with her and felt much was left unsaid. However, Carmen was a forgiving woman, and we knew she loved us right up to the very end and beyond. We knew whatever it was (because now we forget) we were angry with her for she would understand, forgive us and help us to forgive ourselves.

The one event that helped us cope was the birth of our daughter Margarita exactly two months later on April 11, 2007. Margarita namesake is Carmen-Carmen's name is Carmen Margarita and we named our daughter Margarita Carmen. It was our tribute to a generous and caring woman. Two weeks before Carmen's death, she had come with her son and me to one of my midwife appointments. While she never saw my daughter being born, she got to hear the heartbeat. It made her dance. She talked joyfully about how strong her granddaughter's heartbeat sounded to everyone she met. I know when she died, she felt great comfort and joy knowing she had a strong and healthy granddaughter coming into the world. We hope our daughter grows up to be just like her Abuela Carmen.

My mother died November 13, 2007, 9 months and two days after Carmen's death and ten days before my birthday. She had been living in a nursing home I was trying to get her transferred out of because it was too far for my family (especially my father) to visit her. She was still recovering from heart surgery, a procedure that

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