by avante guardian

Created on: November 19, 2008   Last Updated: January 10, 2009

'Ya Pays your money.... and ya takes yer chances!' While I can't attribute this phrase to it's original owner,( I heard it from Daffy Duck, it about covers dating now. As a 'Professional', time is the enemy. Working 60 to 80 hours a week, time with your Homies, it is hard to meet anyone. I tried the dating sites and let me tell you, I am positive all Asylums have internet access!

Oh, and Ladies, ( you know who you are!) PLEEEZE don't post pictures of you that are old enough that I don't even recognize you now that you've gained 40 pounds. And hair color? please! the picture said blonde....not blonde except for the 2 inches of mixed black and grey roots. I spent a month e- mailing, chatting then phoneing a girl before she agreed to meet for coffee for God's sake. Both Dahmer and Bundy are dead. Besides you give so many hints or clues about your work, apartment, neighborhood

that I could probably have done without meeting you at 'place of your choosing'. Especially when I recognize the establishment from your profiles 'likes and dislikes'. I am short on time and some of the ladies Ive met are getting a little long of tooth to be acting like it's their friggin prom!

Honesty..............we guys are dogs, guilty as charged, but we don't say we are family oriented, wish to have children, then bang back 6 Long Islands before the salad arrives. I know you said you were nervous. But playing footsie during the main course is not my idea of foreplay. And asking to use my cell to check on the babysitter!? Your Bio said NO kids!

Ah well...typos are a modern day malady we have come to accept. Butwhy do you need to know how much I make before taxes?

And the only Shakra I know is a Singer or Basketball Star, but hey, I am always trying to learn. So after 5 weeks of chat on computer and phone, you need me to drive you home because you are a bit 'dizzy'. Probably the 3 glassess of wine while the bartender was making the Long Islands no dought. But I am a Gentleman so I drive you the block and a half to your apartment and yes, I will protect you until your inside and have the door locked.

At your door I realize you are a wee unsteady as you fall into me, looking for your keys........so alright, I'll see you in........No of course I'm not put off by your behaviour. Sure I got the babysitter covered, and for sure I got your arrears for the past month,

no problem. Whoa, your a little .....stockier than you look, but I manage to help you to your room. Well its late, I have to be at work in 5 hours so................I hope you sleep well, thanks, nice meeting you and bye!

I almost get to the door when you call out my name in a soft silky tone as though you have used it forever. Yet as I think you may need help to the bathroom, or a bucket to vomit in, imagine my surpise to find you under the sheets, with what looks to be your size XL specialty shop bra lying on the floor. O.K. I'll sit on the edge here for a minute.........yeah I had a good time, no I already said I'm not dissapointed in you, and.................what?......I guess I could lie down for a minute if your afraid.

Uhhh...how did you get naked in 4.0 seconds? well it is warm...maybe I will take off my shirt, I have a T underneath anyway......thanks, I try stay in shape, but you know with working long hours and..........I told you twice how much before taxes. O.K. I'll rub your shoulders for a minute, but then I really have to go O.K.? You know one usually rubs the others shoulders from the back right? Hey, come to think of it, you look younger here in the dark, and you do seem in fair shape.

Ahhhh Hell! I only have 4 and a half hours anyway so......................Giddyup Lover! I will be your personal bodyguard ALL night!

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