by avante guardian

Created on: November 19, 2008   Last Updated: January 17, 2009

As you age you really do become a little wiser. I find I simply 'know' things that have puzzled me for years. I have come to believe we have an innate learning ability that ponders questions we pose to ourselves, then for lack of answers forget ( or so it seems,) until one day we are faced with a similar dilemma that seems to trigger some portion of our brain that says, ' I get it!'.

A few days ago, a girlfriend lost her Mom. She was a Registered Nurse for 30 years, had seven of her own children and was a Foster Parent to untold number of babies, almost all with serious medical issues! She legally adopted one, and if not for her health, would still have her house full! I knew her for 12 plus years, and while I was informed she had a Pacemaker long before I knew her, It was only about a year ago during a visit, she told me in confidence her heart was working at 25 percent capacity. She told me the Doctors said she wouldn't survive open heart surgery, and a transplant may be neccesary once they opened her up. She made the best of it, and even went on a few trips with her husband, after I accepted the request to 'baby-sit', their seven dogs!

But time will win out. Last week she was admitted to the Intensive Care Unit and diagnosed with congestive heart failure. Her lungs were filling with fluid, and with no capacity for oxygen and to weak to cough up the fluid, she was sedated. She coded, (heart attack), shortly after but they dragged her back. The family was then told to gather, all adults now, working and living all over the country, and that a 'meeting' would be held once all were present. This took 3 days, during which even on life - support, her organs rapidly failed, giving this woman who at 70 years, looked 50 a color that sickend a few of her children, cracked open sores marred her lips. So......the life-support was for the family to be able to pay last respects. She passed away within minutes of being taken off life support. The nurses were adamant she was not in pain due to high doses of Ativan. Any dignity was refused her by this atrocity. Her decision regarding Extreme Measures, never mind basic Resusitation was clear to all but Medical staff. Thankfully her Husband said "enough, let her go".

I am a thousand miles away from the family of my Dear Friend, but prefer to wait until her ashes are laid with her Father as per her request. I speak almost daily with my girlfriend and am now crying for them all. You see, her mom Irene and I belong to rather exclusive clubs, and though 20 years seperated us in age, we both lost two sons. We both spent at least two decades in the E.M.S. field trying to relieve the suffering of others. So when my time comes, I hope to God it is MY wishes that are acted on. I believe that everything in this world is on it's way to somewhere else. And the cycle will continue. But beware that 'Miracle Advances' in medicine may interfere with this very natural, unavoidable last rite of passage, this side of the other. And I ask anyone who will listen. The difference of you saying goodbye to me hooked to machines that breathe for me, and saying goodbye to me when I'm at peace, makes a difference how?

For: 'Mom' Irene Say hi to the Boys for me.

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