by j.d. stegall

Created on: November 19, 2008

If you're family meetings are often mediated by law enforcement officials, you know you're probably in a blended family. Blended families don't gel overnight; they take time and years of perseverance. In these types of families, at least one party must be dedicated to excellence and putting the children's needs above everyone else's for even the potential for success.

There are four things crucial to a blended family's success: Forgiveness, integrity, consistency and agape love. Make no mistake that by practicing these four items will you achieve perfection. You will, however, create a semblance of continuity and structure close to the typical model of a father, mother and children under one roof.

Back in 1999, I was in torment over the thought that I would have to raise a child with an Ex-girlfriend I hated and who hated me. I remembered feeling like a fly stuck in a Venus flytrap, I "wanted out" like most men who had babies out of wedlock. I was no good and the devil had a plan to destroy me like "the man down in Georgia".

A man down in Georgia went to church one Sunday with his wife. While they were waiting for the sermon to begin, the devil jumped out of no-where into the pulpit and started scaring the life out of everyone in the pews. They were bolting out of the sanctuary, jumping out windows and screaming for mercy, except for one guy and his wife down in the front row.

The devil looked at him with smug-surprise, "what, you're not afraid of me?" he said proudly. The man shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, as he pointed at his wife with a thumb, "no-I've been living' with your sister for thirty years."

This was the same attitude that I had: nonchalant, bitter, indifferent, doing everything for myself. I was used to her hatred and evil towards me but I also returned plenty of it. The shock of having a baby without being married casted a scarlet letter of shame over me. I knew if I didn't put an end to the hatred, fighting, and foul language and try getting along with her for my daughter's sake, she would suffer for it and have no respect for me as soon as she came of age.

FORGIVENESS

The first thing I would need to raise a daughter and make these two families as peaceable as possible was forgiveness. I could only do it through a loving relationship with God, so I had to forgive her and release the hatred. I asked her and the good Lord to forgive me for all the wrong that I'd done. The Lord put so much love in my heart for people that I made a list of all the

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