by Frances Babauta

Created on: November 18, 2008

I had not realized how much I talked to God until I started studying the Bible and going to church. Before I became a Christian, much of my conversations with God were: God, please let me pass my exam today; God, please don't let it rain; God, please let me get to work on time. Simple statements like that are actually considered talking to God and acknowledging his existence.

When I started studying the Bible, I attempted to talk to God like the people I was studying with. They would thank him for allowing us to make the time to study his word and pray that we read and understand as he intended. They'd pray for others who were ill or spiritually troubled. They'd pray for forgiveness. And over and over they would say God's name. Being a shy and private person, this openness was a little unnerving to me.

The first time Joan asked me to pray before our study, I said no. She respected my answer and made someone else pray. A couple weeks later, one of the brothers, David, asked me if I've prayed during our studies. I said, "No." I guess he talked to Joan because she had me pray during the next study. I did it, but it was awkward. Thankfully, I was with people I felt comfortable with. So I guess it went okay.

We scheduled another study. On the day of the study, I felt discouraged, and I didn't want to go. Joan hadn't called at all that day, so I thought to myself, "Maybe she forgot. Good. I don't want to go." About half an hour later, my friend and her sister Jen called me. But still I didn't mention anything about the study. Right after I hung up with Jen, Joan called me and said they were going to pick me up in 15 minutes. At that, I got up and began to talk to God. Staring out into the dark blue sky, I said to him, "God, thank you for making them call me. I didn't want to study tonight, but you must want me to. I'm sorry that I didn't want to go earlier." I found myself sobbing, out of nowhere. I'm a very prideful person, so you know that I do not like to cry.

Every time I made an excuse in my mind not to go to Bible talk, Bible study, church or any other church-related function, God made it happen. He didn't accept any of the excuses in my heart, and I didn't say any out loud. "Frances, I'm picking you up for church." "Okay." "Frances, I'm picking you up for Bible talk." "Okay." Yes, after a while the "Do you want to go to?" became "I'm picking you up for"

Since then I have recognized God's power. When he wants you, he wants you. You can hesitate all you want, but in the end you will surrender. But when you do surrender to God, temptation and hardships are greater because you are no longer part of the earthly world, you are part of God's kingdom.

Jesus told his apostles on the eve of his arrest, "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is strong but the body is weak." (Mark 4:38) We all can say with great conviction that we will not fall into sin or be angry with God or be tempted by the world, but we are all human. It is in our nature to be subjected to that. Jesus instructs to pray and rely on God, and I have found that when I pray for something with my whole heart, that God grants those prayers. When I ask God to help me be more loving, to help my heart forgive those who've wronged me, he grants those prayers. Praying for more money and a slimmer figure, well, those are selfish prayers, so God tends not to say yes to those. But every time I pour my heart out to God, I feel better. I feel lifted somehow. I feel like he's listening and thinking about what I'm saying.

It still feels a little strange sometimes because he doesn't vocally respond. But he answers in different ways.

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