by Sas Freeman

Created on: November 18, 2008

There was a time that you were madly in love with your spouse and you could overlook almost anything he did. Now, you dread spending time with him and you just do not get along anymore. There is only one thing that is keeping the two of you together. It is that one bond that you will have no matter how far apart you grow. It is your children. You want to get a divorce, but you stall because of your kids. You try to talk things out between the two of you. You ask for help from friends and family. You have even gone to marriage counseling. Nothing changes the way you feel for each other. How has trying to save your marriage for the sake of your children actually hurt your children?

When couples no longer have the ability to get along with each other under the same roof, it is the children that suffer. Children look up to their parents and as they see them fight, they feel they are at fault. The fight can be over something that has nothing to do with the children, but they will still feel guilty. Children feel even guiltier when they are brought into the fights. They have now become the center reason for the fight whether it is true or not. Children will feel obligated to choosing sides as parents berate each other to the children. It is a very unhappy and emotional time for children. As mom and dad are trying to blow off steam, children are beating themselves up on what they did wrong; what they could have done different; and how they can set things right.

Finally couples come to the conclusion that they do not want to be with each other but they will stay married for the children. This kind of relationship can be stressful. There is an intimacy factor in marriage. Couples tend to be much, much happier if they are intimate. If there is no romance going on in the home and couples do not believe in cheating, then there is none anywhere. Individuals can become very unpleasant in these situations. They are more likely to lash out at the ones around them such as their spouse, children, and friends. Children are the most affected by this. They tend to feel like they did something wrong and that their parents no longer love them.

Stressed parents can also turn to drugs and alcohol when they try to stay together. They will do just about anything to drown out their pathetic existence. Drugs and alcohol can lead to abuse. They can also lead to children picking up the bad habits. If parents leave the house to do these things, then the children are neglected and abandoned.

Although trying to save a marriage because there are kids involved sounds like a good idea, the outcome is not usually as pleasant as expected. Most times, the things that are hurting the once loving couple are now hurting the children. Parents are so wrapped up in their own troubles, they do not see how they are affecting their children. You have to look beyond yourself and how you are feeling. You have to see what is going on with your children; not what you think is going on.

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