by Frances Babauta

Created on: November 18, 2008

Dreams are a very gray area of your psyche. Sometimes it is what your heart hopes for, sometimes it's prophesy, sometimes portrays your fears, and sometimes you wish it were true. Whatever its purpose, there is always some kind of message conveyed. I pay a lot of attention to my dreams, because, most often than not, it prophesizes my life with subtlety.

My heart has been battling with my spirit for a few months now regarding a certain (male) friend of mine. He's a few years younger and not my type, physically. However, the more we converse, the more I am drawn to him. I don't know how this happened, really; this attraction. A mutual friend kept insinuating that there was some kind of something going on between us, but I was unaware. I thought we were both just being friendly, platonically friendly, to each other, as you normally do with people you've just met. But I guess sometimes it takes a different pair of eyes to show you what you're not seeing.

And now the dream.

We were at some kind of church gathering that is unfamiliar to my conscious self but in the dream I was comfortable there. I started gathering my things and saying my goodbyes and good nights. Then, I looked for my son, who was asleep. (Now, my real self does not have a son. Nor are children any likelihood at the moment. But this dream self had one. He could be symbolic of something; I do not know.) I knew exactly where he was: asleep on the sofa in the next room with all the other little ones. But I saw Mr. Not-Right-Now walking towards me and asked him to help me look for my son. He looked in the direction where the boy was, but he suggested we look upstairs, in the opposite direction of my son. I followed him. We looked in a couple rooms but did not find him, obviously. The hostess of the gathering called out to me, "He's down here." "I'm coming down," I said.

He and I turned to each other and simultaneously said, "Can I have a hug?" After two minutes had passed, I held tighter. "I know," he said, "But it's better if we wait. You'll see." I said nothing and went to my son.

So am I to wait until our friendship is stronger? Until we know each other better? I think it's telling me not to get too attached to him. But who is this son of mine? Is he some other focus that is more important? Am I pretending that I don't know where my attention should be so that I can focus more on him? He is monopolizing much of my thoughts. The more I try not to think of him, the more present he is in my mind. My heart should be elsewhere. It should be focused on God not him.

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