by Gary Maclean

Created on: November 17, 2008   Last Updated: January 21, 2010

The morning does come. The sun really does continue to shine. Your shaken body refuses to stop drawing air; yes, your life does go on. You may wake in a stupor of confusion and shame but you will survive and you will persist. The shame is not yours, for you are but the bystander. The shame is your partner's for they are the perpetrator.

To measure pain seems fruitless sometimes, but in cases of infidelity that pain is measured for you. It is measured out and administered without prejudice and with no mercy. There is no greater pain, at that moment, than the realization that your loving partner of however many years, has shared his or her intimacy with someone of the opposite sex, besides you.

You have come to the full knowledge that the worse has happened; your partner has had an affair. You have left, or your partner has left, whatever the case, and you are now alone. Maybe you are left with kids, maybe not. Maybe you have a child on the way, maybe not. Maybe you still have your home, a car, or other worldly possessions, but still, maybe not. The truth of the matter is, whatever you are left with, you are alone.

What do you do next? How do you tackle these emotions, the humility, the guilt; what do you do to ensure you will persevere? These are the questions many of us will ask ourselves over and over again at least once, maybe twice or more, throughout our short lives. Ask the questions we must, but we must also answer them.

Infidelity is no simple matter. It washes through our lives leaving pain and disaster in its wake. It takes no more than an instant to wreak its destruction, yet the effects can last weeks or even months; sometimes years. The correction will be no easy task, either. We must address our situation in an orderly, planned-out approach. Your absolute first priority, right now, must be yourself and your sanity. I would like to suggest the following steps that you must consider when first realizing your partner has had an affair:

1) GATHER RESOURCES: I know you're dying inside. I know the pain is overwhelming. This is indeed the time to act though. Deep within your pain is an anger waiting to emerge; and it will, just wait for it. Right now you need to imagine that anger. Empty your bank accounts, grab secret stashes of cash that may be spotted throughout the house, sell mutual property, borrow on accounts that are in your partner's name, alert every account you have in your name not to accept any charges for the next six months. Hold a yard

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