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Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me. This is an old expression intended for children as a defense against name calling. This expression is true on the surface. Though name calling cannot do physical damage, it does have the ability to wreak havoc on the emotional and psychological self. Unfortunatelym children have difficulty understanding the true motivation behind the name calling.

During childhood the "self" is being molded by experience, environment, and perception. When name calling occurs, it forces the child to question their "self". They create the possibility of truth within the hurtful words. Children do not have the emotional or intellectual strength to recognize the name calling as a cry for help from the offender. It could be argued that name calling itself is a defense mechanism, used when one feels threatened in any way. It could also be argued that name calling is an emotional attempt to make another feel worse than the offender. Low self esteem is the leading motivation that drives one to verbally assault another. It is a form of self projection. This is true for adults and children alike.

The act of name calling itself is morally wrong. It serves no purpose except to demean, ridicule and cast out. Name calling amongst children is inevitable, as they are molding themselves and often imitate what they see and hear. Therefore, if a child lives in a home where name calling is prevalent, odds are that child will also be an offender. Name calling amongst adults is unhealthy. Especially for those within a relationship, name calling can be quite damaging.

Perhaps the biggest offense regarding name calling is that between an adult and a child. Particularly when a parent calls their own child a name, not only are they contributing to the destruction of their child's self esteem, but they are contributing to the destruction of the bond between them. The self esteem of a child is greatly dependant on the perception of the parent or caregiver. Most times, these words are taken as truth. Most times, these words form the false foundation for the child's sense of self.

Offenders often hide behind the idea of being helpful, claiming good intent for the reasoning behind the name calling. This is misguided and almost always does more harm than good.

It is unfortunate that many dismiss and excuse the act of name calling simply because the offense is committed with words. Rationalizing the idea that words cannot possibly affect a person in such a powerful way. But words are the way we communicate; the way we share our thoughts, opinions and emotions. So in order to accept this rationalization, one must also accept that all words, including "I Love You" mean absolutely nothing.

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