by Dori Kenny

Created on: November 16, 2008

Remarry, it just screams failure. And then, to your ex-spouse? "Ex-spouse" sounds so formal. How about idiot, loser, and I'm sure you can come up with some whoppers on your own. In this situation, the pros and cons are the same: this is the same person I married before. When you say those eight words out loud your response is either going to be warm and fuzzy or you'll run screaming out of the living room.

So how about a sit down, just the two of you, in a private place? Remember, this conversation is two-sided and there will no bashing or name calling. It's important to speak of your feelings and not be critical. And by all means, do not lose your sense of humor. When you've got it all out, you'll hopefully understand the other person's perspective and have a lot to think about. Maybe you should have taken notes.

It's important now to take some time to really mull things over and listen to your heart. Think about the most wonderful times you ever had as a couple. Then think about the worst. What made those times the way they were? Was there an issue of drug or alcohol abuse? Or was it just an annoying habit? Make a list: what I love about this person and what really irritates me about this person. It's okay if you get carried away, it's your list. If you decide to share your lists, you might want to consider a little editing. I'm not saying you should lie, just remember this is not about bashing. Nobody likes to get their feelings hurt.

So where do you go from here? I strongly suggest a great deal of dating. And I mean dating, not just going out for pizza. As your relationship continues to grow, how about spending time at each other's homes. Sort of like living together, but nobody is being asked to give up any of their stuff. (Just in case there are complications) This way you get to spend time with each other and still have your own space. Kind of like having a vacation home, but no second mortgage.

When you have some time alone say those eight words out loud again. "This is the same person I married before". How does that make you feel? Because it is all about you and what you feel-not your mother, sister, or friends. Although hopefully they have your best interest at heart. There is a saying, "a leopard never changes his/her spots". But I do believe people can grow. So what will it be? Whatever you two decide, you'll know you made the best decision for yourselves.

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