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absolutely isn't, goddamn it! This is a murder investigation! This is real life! Look! Can't you see?! The blonde is trying to put on a tough exterior but she's crumbling inside. She may be the one who phoned the police, poor kid. She says her best friend has run away to New York this very night with the boy next door, a drug dealer with lots of money. We'll want to find them later then.

Also in the house is the main character's, sorry, the victim's wife. She's a crazy hysterical bitch with OCD, the original Bree Van de Kamp. And she's absolutely sobbing her eyes out and soaking wet and talking to herself. "Shut up! Shut up!" and now she's slapping herself in the face. See, I told you she was crazy. She looks like somebody really rained on her parade. Oh and she's got a gun that looks like it's recently been fired. I don't know how I know that, but I do, because I'm a police detective, goddamn it. And I'm going to solve this here crime right now. Book her, Danno. Murder one.

Danno's not too sure, but what would he know. He's not a detective, like me, holding the mirror up to society, until it cracks. It's going to take proper police work to get to the bottom of this, and I'm your man. Where would America be, without detectives? Danno seems to think we should look into these people and their lives, and this neighbourhood, in fact, a little more deeply than we have been doing, but I say what we see on the surface is what killed this man. Danno says he found pot in the garage and the drug dealer and the victim may have been smoking together. He wants to go look next door. What would he know? Let's humour him anyway.

Next door live a catatonic housewife and an upstanding ex-marine. Where would America be without marines? Everything is impeccably tidy and very quiet. The catatonic housewife clearly doesn't know anything. The marine is washing a bloody-red stained white t-shirt. Hmm. That looks kind of like the red spatter of bright bloody rose-petals on the white kitchen tiles. Hmm. Nah. Doesn't mean a thing. Danno says the gun cabinet is unlocked and the guy collects Nazi memorabilia, but there's just, like, one piece, and the marine says he beat the crap out of his son because he said he was having a gay love affair with the victim. That must be how he got the blood on his t-shirt. Everything seems to be perfectly normal here.

The marine says his son made a videotape of the victim lifting weights in his garage, naked. That's weird. This no-good son should really

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