by Leann Zotis

Created on: November 13, 2008   Last Updated: March 12, 2009

The first date was just an opportunity to check each other out. You were both on your best behavior. It was too soon to let your guard down. It was a time for putting your best foot forward. You said the right things. You wore the right clothes. If you didn't know what to wear or what to say, you asked your friends or your mother for advice.

Lo and behold, you felt a spark of interest! Your date apparently felt the same. At least, there was enough of a spark to encourage both of you enough to consider pursuing a second date.

Now what?

The second date is all about revealing a bit more of your true self. After all, there's a limit to how much time you want to devote to dating someone who is all wrong for you. On the second date the mask needs to come off. So, pull out that grubby old sweat shirt if that's what you usually wear. It's okay to let lose with the neighborhood slang and whatever other jargon usually defines your everyday speech. On the second date, it's time to start coming clean.

Will the real person behind the dating mask please reveal themselves?

While the first date may have revolved around a social activity, a movie or being with other people to deflect most of the attention away from the individuals, the second date must be all about releasing the real person who resides within.

A good second date might start with lunch or dinner. There, face to face, some of the basic biographical information can be exposed, perhaps for the first time. Be honest, but don't interrogate.

"What do you do for a living?" "Where do you want your current job to lead?" "Where did you go to school?" "What was your most memorable vacation?" All of these are good questions.

The second date is for filling in big picture details. Still off limits are the more personal revelations needed to reveal the deeper person within. "Why did you and your last boyfriend/girlfriend break up?" "How much money do you make?" And don't forget the ever popular, "How many kids do you want?" All of these topics are best saved for more advanced stages of the dating game.

The second date is a good place to share a common interest. After all, the whole purpose of dating is to find a good life partner. This person should be someone you can laugh with and enjoy sharing in free time activities.

Tennis, anyone? Maybe a cooking class to explore Chinese cooking techniques? Do you both like to explore museums? Rock climb? Shoot pool? Swim, hike, or ride a bike?

If you don't have common ground for a second date activity, the first red flag of the budding relationship has been posted. Second dates are the critical fork in the road for any hope of a future relationship. Get it right and the future will look bright. Get it wrong and . . .

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