by Renee Sky

Created on: November 13, 2008   Last Updated: December 26, 2008

It is detrimental to a child to base their self-worth on physical, material things such as a birthday party. By focusing too intensely on celebrations and parties, our children are no longer the center of attention, but instead they are in the center ring of a crazy, demented circus.

My daughter's last birthday (two years) was a large event, held one Sunday afternoon at a park and cost my husband and I much more than we could afford. My child was completely overwhelmed, and did not even understand that the presents were hers or what was going on all day long. Afterward, I felt quite bad about what I had done to her. Yes, I want her to feel loved and cared for, but the party had little to do with that. Instead, it became a festival of trying to entertain everyone else who came, feed them, and direct my daughter to quickly devour cake and presents so that the impatient "guests" could go home. What about that scenario speaks of my deep affection for my daughter? Did her birthday party make her feel important? The event hardly spoke my true intentions.

After much deliberation, my husband and I have finally come up with a novel birthday party idea to celebrate all of our child's future birthday parties. We are going to celebrate on her actual birth day (you know, the day she was born?!) whether it falls on a week day or weekend, whether it is "convenient" to our schedules or not. Since we care about her so much, we are not going to ignore her birthday if it falls on a Thursday and wait until Saturday to have a big party to rejoice that she was born. No, instead we will invite people, but not for a big meal with games and entertainment for other children. We will have whatever kind of dessert she wants, which I will make from scratch (with her). Whoever can come and celebrate great! Yes, she will get presents, but not the insane multitude that only breeds selfishness and she will be able to take her time opening and enjoying each gift (what a phenomenal idea). The focus will be on loving our daughter and showing her (by spending time with her) that we are so happy she came into the world.

This is not a fool proof plan, this I know. However, it is my hope that if we start this new tradition while she is still young, she will grow into a confident young woman who does not base her self-worth on how much money is spent on her or how many things she gets. But instead is able to reach out and love others for who they are because she has first experienced it herself.

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