by Paula A

Created on: January 17, 2007   Last Updated: April 23, 2007

Where do Your Boundaries Start and The Next Persons End?

When I first heard about boundaries I thought about the outside of my garden or someone else's property, I didn't consider it as having anything to do with my own personal ones, my own space which should not be violated by anyone.

I had never given a second thought that I had these things, what did it mean, how did I deal with them and how could I possible stop another person stepping over them even if I knew where they were.

Have you ever thought about your own personal boundaries? Where do they start or the next person's finish, do have any boundaries, do you know how to control them if you are aware of them?

If we go right back to the beginning and think about what it's like to be a child and how they learn we will see that all children push their parent's boundaries to see if they can get their own way and try to get them to change their minds about something or just to test their own power. Usually once we know the limits of the boundaries we don't push them so hard although we might still try to stretch them a little.

Normally as we get older we learn that in order to fit in with others we have to respect their boundaries and expect them to do the same for us. When these boundaries are crossed or pushed it makes us feel uncomfortable and maybe even insecure.

Have you ever stood in a shopping queue and felt that the person behind you is standing just too close for comfort? You try to ease yourself forward a little to give yourself more space. I have on occasion moved and stood in front of my trolley if moving forward hasn't worked.

I am not very good at telling people they are invading my personal space, my boundaries but it makes me feel dreadfully uncomfortable when a stranger stands so close I can feel their breath on me, I feel very claustrophobic.

When someone is abused their personal boundaries are violated, they lose their human right to say NO, they become powerless, they cannot simply move out of the way.

What the abuser is saying is that you have no voice, you are rendered powerless and under their control, you are of little or no consequence to anyone least of all them and you are only any use if you are doing what they want you to do even that means raping you repeatedly.

It is the most frightening thing when you have plucked up the courage to tell someone and then they don't believe you, this gives the abuser even more power over you. Maybe the person you told said you are wicked to make up such

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