by Tsu Dho Nimh

Created on: November 13, 2008   Last Updated: November 21, 2008

Congratulations. You made it through the first date and not only does he want a second date, he wants you to plan it.Oh, dear! What's a good plan for a second date, a plan that gives a third date a chance? Maybe even a fourth.
Planning a second date is much like planning an outing with a toddler; only offer activities that you find acceptable. If you aren't sure that he would like a night at the opera, find an assortment of activities and ask which one he would prefer.

My first choice would be a local festival that gives you a chance to stroll, chat and learn more about each other's likes and dislikes. My last choice would be a movie because both persons are passively watching the screen and there is no opportunity to learn anything.

Keep it low key. You don't want to scare the man off or give a false impression. A romantic home-cooked dinner on the second date sends him the wrong signal. He'll either run from you, fearing a wedding-obsessed wannabe bride, or assume you are signaling you want to jump start the relationship and expect to jump into bed for dessert.

Keep it fun for both of you. The worst date I ever had was one I planned, trying to impress Mr. Might B. Right, at a tournament for a game that I hated and he loved. There was nothing to talk about, because he was babbling on about the technical points of playing baseball and I was desperately trying to smile and be charming. There was no third date.

Make sure it's a short-term activity. Even if you are both experienced outdoors adventurers who met on the rock wall at the gym, a weekend camping trip for a second date is asking for disaster. There is no ride home longer than the ride home from the mountains with a passenger who isn't speaking to you.

A group activity, such as a weekend barbecue with friends or a short hike with a picnic lunch afterwards, gives you a chance to size him up in a non-romantic setting. How is he in groups? Does he get drunk and make passes at your friends? Does he help with the clean up or just watch others working?

And remember, it's the 21st century. Don't expect him to pick up the check. If you can't afford it, don't plan it.

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