by Ryan Brenner

Created on: November 13, 2008   Last Updated: March 05, 2010

Dear Reader,

Hello!  My name is Remmington.  Well, that’s not my real name, but it is best I write the following under an assumed name to protect the innocent.  I am writing this tale because an injustice has been done.  I was first aware of this abomination about 1 year ago last Tuesday. Or was it one year ago last Wednesday?  I really cannot remember.  Anyway, I have had to be very careful in sharing this information because if someone found out that I was writing this-well, let’s just say it would cause a great fuss and I would probably be taken to some place, and locked away.  I would become the object of several medical tests.  I would be poked and prodded and placed in one of those dark rooms with the one bright light in the center and a group of doctors and nurses gathered around with one of them requesting a scalpel.  You know like you see in those late night Sci-fi movies on channel 43.  Actually, I really should not be writing anything at all.  You see I’m guinea pig.  Yes, that’s right a guinea pig.  I’m one of a kind, really.  So I am not writing this for fame, or for profit (as hedge hogs generally have no need for money), or in hopes of making a bestseller list.  No, my cause is much nobler.  I simply want the truth to be told.

            That’s right the truth.  You know that thing you’re supposed to do when you ate the last cookie in the cookie jar, but your mother is now punishing your younger sister for spoiling her diner.  I realize that getting you to believe this is no easy feat because if this tale is in publication you probably got it from the fiction shelf of your local book store or library, and if it is not in publication you probably got it from the M folder in the lowest drawer of a file cabinet in the back closet of the upstairs bedroom at 579 Hickory Drive.  (In which case I may ask how you got in there.  It is not your house, and you do not just barge into someone’s home uninvited.  After all, I don’t know you and no one in my family would let a stranger into the house to search for a story they do not know exists.)  So you see my problem.  The mere place you found this book has already given you a bad impression.  You have already been biased (biased means you already have an opinion before you know

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