by Mike Miller

Created on: November 13, 2008

"Play is the work of children." This brilliantly perceptive quote (by that ancient Greek sage Anon) lights the way for we parents to avoid a very deceptive parenting trap. "The Terrible Twos" is not so much a developmental problem caused by the child as it is the result of an all too common parenting faux pas - a failure that can be handily avoided.

Frustration on the part of the child is the usual cause for difficult behavior associated with the child turning two years of age. There may be several causes for frustration in children that escape adult detection. The child is not considered highly verbal at two years, and is thought unable to express his/her thoughts about life. Perhaps the child is unhappy with not having a playmate, or not being treated as maturely by the parent as the child would wish. In any case, the difficult behavior often encountered in children at approximately their second year has profound, yet subtle, causes which are rooted in their own very perceptive observations of their life circumstances WHICH THEY ARE UNABLE TO EXPRESS or ameliorate. When the parent cannot adequately assist the child in managing the expression of his/her thoughts and feelings the frustration in the child creates the difficult behavior known as the "Terrible Twos."

Turning two is a developmental leap forward for the child, that often the parent tends to minimize, or overlook. The child, at two, is fully mobile. Verbal to the extent that he/she UNDERSTANDS a surprisingly large vocabulary, if not able to speak proficiently. (Interestingly, it has recently been observed that children use a much higher level vocabulary when speaking to themselves when alone, than when speaking to adults. Baby monitors placed near the crib have been shown to record remarkable self-dialogues prior to falling asleep that tend to establish the child's world-view and self-image.) The frustration the child feels around two years of age is often entirely appropriate if that child's parent is not adequately assisting the child in its life work: play.

The subject of play is a massive area of early developmental study. I do not think enough research can be done, or has been done, on the effect different modes of play have on child development. However, it is universally recognized that by the end of the child's second year most of the personality characteristics that the child will exhibit as an adult have already been cemented into place. The "Terrible Twos" are therefore an extremely critical

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