by Talhia Roberts

Created on: November 13, 2008   Last Updated: December 21, 2008

It would seem that the only people dealing with partner rape are the victims of this crime. A crime which the perpetrator often refuses to acknowledge is in fact, a crime. One such perpetrator explained during an interview with a marriage guidance counselor that "it is not possible to rape your wife, she is my wife; I am entitled to sex from her". When reminded by the counselor that sex without consent is rape, the husband in this instance advised the counselor that his wife did not say no. What makes this rape is that the husband had drugged his wife with Ryhipnol (commonly known as a date rape drug). She was unconscious and completely unaware that her husband had vaginal and anal penetration with her. She didn't say "no" but she didn't consent either.

She did not become aware of this until her husband's workmates openly discussed this in her home during a Sunday afternoon BBQ. They found it quite entertaining and expressed their delight in discussing this through laughter. The wife was understandably devastated. Not only did she suffer the humiliation of discovering that her husband had regularly drugged, raped and sodimised her but she faced the fact that he had openly discussed this with his work mates who were also of the belief that this was not a criminal or immoral act.

The wife lost all emotional connection with her husband and from this point on, felt no love towards him. She could not comprehend how a man who claimed to have loved and cherished his wife could perpetrate such an atrocity on the mother of his children.

Feeling betrayed and violated she contacted the police who advised her that because she had no knowledge of the rape when it occurred they could do nothing. This was despite the fact that the husband had made admissions on two separate occasions to two independent marriage counsellors to repeatedly drugging and having sex with his wife.

The wife/victim is the only one dealing with this issue. The police turned their backs on this issue and it is as though the husband's claim that it is the right of a husband to take sex from his wife is in fact accepted in society.

This couple did divorce with the wife leaving the marital home taking both children with her. But the story didn't end here.

The husband refused to provide any financial support for the ongoing care of the children. When asked by the wife to assist financially the husband suggested to the wife that she have sex with him and in exchange he will pay her money. However, this was conditional that she provided him with a receipt stating that the payment was for child support for their children.

She remains the only person dealing with the issue of partner rape. There are no other means to deal with this issue. Every day she deals with the knowledge of the non existent value a man places on his wife and children. Every day she deals with the knowledge that this man not only devalued his wife but also his children.

Society and the police do not deal with this but support partner rape by refusing to take action against those who perpetrate this crime.

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