by Nicole Scott

Created on: November 13, 2008

We've all been there, mom just spent $350 dollars on something that dad doesn't feel they needed and he's stressing out about how the bills are going to get paid. Or dad went out with his work buddies and didn't call, he comes waltzing in at 3 AM, waking the whole household up. Things happen in life that we don't expect, sometimes parents act out of character at times. It happens, that's life. Children, whether young or old have an inherent sense about these things. It's almost as if they can sense it coming before it happens and depending on the child they either try to help or get out of the way for a few hours.

Venting is a way most people relieve stress. Rather than bottling up what's bothering them, they want to verbalise it and send it back out into the universe and somehow make sense of it all. Some parents try really hard not to show their children that anything is wrong between them, that's a perfectly acceptable way to go. Especially if the tension is high due to money or work or just differences. But there are times when parents have no one else to turn to except for the child. Believe me, as a child of two constantly bickering parents, i've been in on many vent sessions.

It's completely okay. In most cases, the child wants to be privy to what's going on with their parents, even if they want nothing to do with them afterwards. When mom or dad vents about their spouse, it gives the child a sense of trust. That they are now mature and responsible enough to know that mom and dad are just human and can sometimes make mistakes. Children can even give a bit of insight at times, even if they think they are. When parents vent problems to their kids, whether they realize this or not, they are showing that it's okay to get upset at times and it's okay to seek help. Granted, some issues may make children uncomfortable, ultimately they are learning from the whole experience.

It can even be a way to build up a parent's relationship with a child, by letting them in on frustrations felt. There isn't much need to worry on the parents part of turning a child against one parent, children can discover for themselves the traits and faults of their parents without any help from them. But when a child is exposed to the venting, they are discovering that someday they too will need to vent and need help with an issue. Parents want to be the first place that their child turns to in those situations. That's what they are there for in the later years, to help, to listen. Children are that ear at first, but the tides will change and more parents will find that their kids are turning to them later for help because they have seen firsthand accounts of similar problems.

Nothing can be scarier than watching parents fight, and it should never come down to a screaming match. When listening to mom or dad vent, the child will know if he or she should stay or go. It's a comfort thing, nobody likes watching people embarrass themselves or feel embarrassed for someone else. Now not every fight can be avoided on the child's part, but by being present at a venting session, they are more able to judge whether or not it is going to be a scene they want to see.

Children are more intune to what's going on than they seem to be, don't discourage them a possible learning experience, even if you think that it's not a good idea to see a squabble between mom and dad.

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