by Elaine M. Healy

Created on: November 13, 2008

The core value of any meaningful relationship is trust. Whether it is a family member, a friend, or a lover; it all comes down to trust. Suspicion comes into play because we have all been wronged in one way or another by someone that we loved and trusted. When that happens it shakes something deep down inside you. Down in that place that most of dare not tread. And sometimes when we are effected like that it can change our thoughts and behaviors without even realizing it has happened. When the thinking and behavior changes it comes out in a suspicious manner because you want to answer whatever little questions are left rattling around in your mind. It is a defense mechanism to try to prevent that hurt from ever happening again.

For example, take a woman that has been cheated on by her partner. She does the right thing and ends this relationship and moves forward. A while later this same woman has been dating a new man for several months and everything has seemed fine until one night while they are watching a movie he gets a call on his cell phone and he gets up, answers it in the other room, speaks quietly and briefly, and comes back it like the whole event ever happened. Her heart begins to pound and she gets a knot in the pit of her stomach. She begins to feel all those feelings she felt when she was cheated on. In her head she automatically assumes that it must have been another woman calling him and she uncomfortably waits for her chance to know the truth. The man gets up to use the bathroom and leaves his cell phone on the coffee table. The moment he is behind the closed door she picks up the phone and flips to the call log to see who that call was from.

This brief act of suspicion was use to ease the swell of suspicious thoughts about her new man. Only when she saw the call log and she saw that the incoming call was from his mother or his best friend she didn't feel appeased. She felt ashamed. Ashamed that she had those horrible thoughts about her new lover. She new that this behavior was wrong but she couldn't help herself. She couldn't let herself be hurt in the same way she was before.

What she doesn't know is that this behavior is going to stay with her until she takes the steps to heal the part of her that has been wounded. The behavior will never change until it is recognized that there is a deeper issue. All of this suspicion leads to a breakdown of the core trust in a relationship. Little bit by little bit the trust will be chipped away.

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