by Cari Eden Kindl

Created on: November 12, 2008

A Conversation With Satan

I'm sitting here with the big guy himself, the one and only King of Bad, Satan. He has agreed to share with us some of his secrets on scaring the Bejesus out of common folk like me and you and how he has managed to stay on top of the human race for so many eons now and still manages to stay in such incredible shape.

Me: I mean look at you Satan. You look great with those sinews popping out and the tight abs. How do you do it?

Satan: Well, you quivering puddle of maggot rot, (sorry it just comes out) I spend a lot of time sweating not just due to my frequent visits to Hell but one burns quite a few calories possessing and manipulating people, manifesting in clouds of dust from catastrophic explosions in pre-orchestrated global events by the elite. It's quite a workout.

Me: Wow. Could you tell us about your relationship with God and how you see this all working out in the end . . .that has no ending?

Satan: So much of what people believe they know is really distortions and fabrications by the media. I love those guys. I'm one of you really. I am just the collective manifestation of all of the stupid and lazy souls that trap themselves in this reality we call life. Is this a reason to make me the King of Bad as you say? I mean this roller coaster is out of control. I've been trying to stop it since the apple incident if you want to know the truth. It's the damned money thing that has people now. Who would of thought? Money isn't even real.

Me: What are you saying, that you are thinking of converting to the light side?

Satan: Why not? There's just nowhere to go from here. I've done it all. I could go to a different planet and start over or stay in third dimensional earth with the "Dee di dees" while everyone else ascends but I keep thinking about how nice it would be to just go Black Hole for a while, you know? Maybe I will join the Lighties. Those Pleaidian chicks are pretty hot. How do you think I would look in spandex?

Me: You might want to lose the horns big guy. What is it about the horns anyway? Why do we see Bush, Ahmadenijad, Clinton even the queen of England throwing around the devil sign.

Satan: Those are my homies. (laughs) They have been part of my family for centuries. Don't be hatin' the Reptilians. Hate is what gets you a front seat at my show.

Me: Ok , Satan, I'm sorry we're out of time.

Satan: You've got that right.

Me: So We will be looking for you in the light. If not have a nice eternity of hell fire and brimstone and thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Satan: Peace out, if you know what I mean.

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